BY SALMA SANWARI
There is an old Mexican proverb: “The house does not rest upon the ground, but upon a woman.” A strong woman is the foundation of a solid family; she holds it together and guards it. A woman leads and protects her children, she serves and tends her husband, and she preserves and respects herself. If a woman can ensure her own strength, she can secure the solidity of her home and her family.
So, how can a woman ensure her strength and abilities in order to keep her home functioning smoothly? The reality is that there are dozens of tools that can be employed to ensure an efficient home and a well managed family.
Smiles and Salaams
We know the significance of a smile, even to a stranger. It is considered the smallest form of charity, so imagine waking in the morning and smiling to your spouse and children. A warm smile and a sincere salam can be the foundation of the day. Before the day has even started, you can rake up reward just by smiling. Add in a well meaning Assalamu Alaikum and you are already headed in the right direction.
But how many of us really take the few seconds to do this every morning? Or do instead grumble as the alarm goes off, scuffle into the bathroom, then shuttle the kids into their clothes, towards their breakfast, and then off to school? And how do we greet our husbands in the morning? Do we offer them loving salams or just a quick reminder to pick up milk on the way home?
A smile is a simple tool that can fix many o today's social and domestic ailments. Not only does a smile brighten up Someone else s day, it will make you feel better, as well. Try it. It is hard to get angry with your kids if you are already smiling.
Serve and protect
A smile, though, is just the beginning. It can’t get the kids dressed and off to school. To serve and protect is not just the motto of the Police Department; every mother agrees to this creed when she marries and starts a family. A woman must serve and protect her family from ills and evils too many to name. How she can protect them, however, is a bit easier to identify. First, she can serve her family well by respecting them, young and old. By providing her family with a clean, safe and secure home, she is serving her husband and her children simultaneously.
A woman who serves her children well is one who can bathe and clothe and feed her children without too many complications. A woman who serves her husband well is one who can run the house smoothly by being efficient in the budget and effective in her duties. A strong woman does not spend her time and money thoughtlessly. Rather, she is entrusted by her husband to manage the household affairs fairly and accurately. She is the head of the household while her husband is at work and so she is responsible for the steady course of the family. In serving her husband, she cares for what he cares about; she cares for his home, his children, and herself as his wife.
Make Prayer together to stay together
A strong woman alone cannot protect her family completely. Only Allah can offer complete protection; so, a strong woman knows this and incorporates salah and supplication into her family’s daily regiment. A woman who has built a solid foundation for her family will teach her children to make salah and make duaa; she will teach them to ask Allah for forgiveness and for blessings.
Furthermore, she will encourage her husband and children to perform salah together. We have all heard it and even read it on bumper stickers: A family that prays together stays together. It is the foundation of a solid family and good family management depends on family togetherness.
Although children spend nearly six to eight hours of their day at school, the waking hours that they spend with the family together at home are limited. Therefore, the person that they see the most at home, usually the mother, holds a load of responsibility. In many cases, the children attend a non-Islamic school and so the Islamic morals and education that kids get on a daily basis is from the mother. She is the best example of what to do and not to do. So, mothers must be aware of this responsibility and make sure that they are setting the best possible example.
Whether a mom is cooking a meal, or reading Quran, or changing a light bulb, her children are waiting and watching. They are watching even if they are not listening. That is why it is imperative that a mother knows that she is always ‘on’; she is always in her children's spotlight. Think about how you handle certain situations and then decide if it is time to change your actions. How do you handle situations of anger/happiness/despair/fear? What you do and say in such situations is significant. We should remember to invoke the help of Allah when we need it and we should remember to show gratitude to Him always. When we offer salah, we should do that together; when we recite our duaa, we should do so aloud; when we read the Quran, we should do so in view of our children; and when we go to visit a sick friend, we should take our children with us.
The list is virtually endless on how we can show our kids to be the best Muslim possible. Children watch and listen and then mirror what they sec and hear. It is the mother whom the children will mimic and copy. Let it be something good that they emulate.
Twenty questions
And there is one thing that even a morn can learn from her children. Ask lots of questions! A good mom is one who knows how to run her household efficiently. A great mom knows this and what her kids are up to at the same time. Do you ask enough questions? How well do you know your children? F-low we11 do you know your husband? You probably know what your family likes and dislikes, but do you know your husband’s weaknesses and how to support him? Do you know your children’s fear and do you help them? It is a proverbial joke that kids always ask questions, especially ‘why’. We should learn to ask who, what, when, and where, as well.
And it is not all about snooping and prying. Take an interest in what your family is doing. Ask your husband about his day at work. Ask your children about school. Find out what and how they are doing. A good mom knows what and how her kids are doing without having to wait for the school Open House. Do your own homework and make sure you keep up with your family.
No one can say that a mother’s 1ob is easy and it seems to get more and more difficult as the days pass. However, if we take the blessings from these and many other tools to manage our families, insha'Allah (Allah willing) we will find some case and much peace.