By: Dr. Aisha Hamdan
Allah Says what means: {And We have enjoined on man (care) for his parents. His mother carried him, (increasing her) in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the (final) destination.} [Quran 31:14].
Allah reminds us of the hardships that a mother will experience—during pregnancy, childbirth, and after the birth of the baby. One of the reasons that motherhood is given such honor and status is due to these hardships. It is not an easy responsibility to fulfill.
One of the most challenging times for a mother is following the birth of a baby, particularly the first child. The birth process itself produces a mixture of emotions excitement, fear, joy, fascination. In the first few weeks and months, there may be more surprises and confusion as mother adjusts to the changes within herself and the new responsibilities of motherhood. While much of it comes naturally, it is important to be educated and prepared in order to cope effectively. There are strategies and suggestions that can assist in making a smooth transition to motherhood, particularly in relation to the emotional changes that often occur.
General emotional changes
A new mother may experience various thoughts and feelings following birth. She may feel stressed and overwhelmed with taking care of the baby. She may doubt her ability to be a good mother, or she may have unrealistic expectations about being the perfect mother or having the perfect baby. There may be feelings of loss, such as loss of identity (who was before having the baby), loss of control, and loss of freedom. The life adjustment may entail changes in life style and priorities. This may include having less free time and less control over time, having to stay home more often, and having less time to spend as husband and wife. A woman may experience added stress if there are career or work pressures piled on top of the mothering task.
Baby blues
Up to 80% of new mothers experience a condition that is called, “Baby Blues.” This tends to set in a few days after childbirth and may last from a few hours up to 1 or 2 weeks. The cause is mainly due to the abrupt hormonal changes that occur after birth. The symptoms include mood swings (feeling very happy and then very sad), crying for no reason, impatience, irritability, restlessness, anxiety, apathy, feelings of sadness and loneliness. The symptoms should subside as the hormone levels begin to stabilize and return to normal.
Postpartum depression
Approximately 10% to 15% of new mothers experience more serious symptoms of “Postpartum Depression.” This generally begins a few days or even months after childbirth and can last up to one year. The symptoms are generally similar to the “Baby Blues”, hut they tend to be more intense and longer lasting. The symptoms include depressed mood, tearfulness, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, a significant loss of pleasure in all or almost all daily activities, appetite and weight change (usually a drop in both, hut sometimes an increase), sleep problems (usually insomnia), extreme fatigue or loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt, difficulty concentrating and making decisions, being overly worried about the baby, not having any interest in the baby, fears of hurting self or the baby, thoughts of death or suicide.
Postpartum Depression keeps a woman from doing the things she needs to do every day. If the ability to function is seriously affected, it may he important to seek professional care. If Postpartum Depression is not treated, the symptoms may increase in severity and it may last for as long as one year. In most cases, the condition can be treated with appropriate care and counseling.
Postpartum psychosis
In very rare cases (1 / 10 of 1%), a new mother will experience a serious condition called “Postpartum Psychosis.” The onset is generally very quick and severe, usually within the first two or three weeks after childbirth. The symptoms include delusions (false beliefs), hallucinations (false perceptions), paranoia, strange thoughts or statements, confusion and disorientation, anger and agitation, thoughts of harming self or baby, frantic energy, inability to cease activity, and refusal to eat. This condition requires immediate professional intervention.
Coping with emotional changes
In order for a woman to cope with the emotional changes, it is important that she gets adequate rest, nutrition and exercise. This will help the body to recover from childbirth, and it is important for physical and emotional wellbeing. A strong support system is also essential so that a new mother will avoid isolation, obtain assistance from others as needed, and have someone to discuss her feelings with. A mother should make time for herself, away from the baby, whenever possible. She may visit with a friend, go for a walk, or spend time alone with her husband. This is necessary to achieve emotional balance in life.
A woman should also have realistic expectations in her new role as a mother. It is not expected that perfection will be achieved and there will be times when things do not go as planned. It will also not be possible to complete all tasks and mother must accept that some things will need to he left undone. In the end, mother and baby will manage to make it through this new life experience just fine.
Final thoughts
The transition to motherhood can be difficult and overwhelming. Experiencing negative emotions or thoughts does not mean that a mother has failed. A woman can expect to recover as she learns new ways to balance the new responsibilities of daily life. The process of defining a new identity as mother can enrich life in ways that she may never have thought possible. It can be extremely valuable to recall the significance given to Motherhood in Islam and the rewards that will he gained for mother’s many sacrifices. It is a test from Allah through which a woman develops selflessness, patience, and gratitude.