Treating parents dutifully
One of the main distinguishing characteristics of the true Muslim woman is her respectful and kind treatment of her parents. Islam encourages respect towards and kind treatment of parents in many definitive texts of the Quran and Sunnah; any Muslim woman who reads these texts has no choice but to adhere to their teachings and treat her parents with kindness and respect, no matter what the circumstances or the state of the relationship between daughter and parents.
The Muslim woman who has embraced the values of Islam is kind and respectful towards her parents, treating them well and choosing the best ways to speak to them and deal with them. She speaks to them with all politeness and respect, and surrounds them with all honor and care, lowering to them the wing of humility, as commanded by Allah in the Quran. She never utters a word of contempt or complaint to them, no matter what the circumstances, always heeding the words of Allah: {Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one of both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: `My Lord! Bestow on them Your mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.}[Quran 17:23-24]
Recognizing parents' status and duties towards them
From her reading of the Quran, the Muslim woman understands the high status to which Allah Has raised parents, and that it is a status which mankind has never known except in Islam, which has placed respect for parents just one step below belief in Allah and true worship of Him. Many verses of the Quran parallel pleasing one's parents with pleasing Allah, and confirm that treating parents well is the best of good deeds after having faith in Allah. Allah Says (what means): {Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good, to parents…}[Quran 4:36]
So the Muslim woman who truly understands the teachings of her religion is kinder and more respectful towards her parents than any other woman in the world; this does not stop when she leaves the home to marry and start her own family, and has her own, independent, busy life. Her respect and kindness towards her parents are ongoing and will remain an important part of her behavior until the end of her life, in accordance with the Quranic teaching which has enjoined kind treatment of parents for life, especially when they reach old age and become incapacitated and are most in need of kind words and good care; Allah Says (what means): {Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one of both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, `My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.}[Quran 17:23-24]
The Muslim woman whose heart has been illuminated with the light of Quranic guidance is always receptive and responsive to this divine instruction, which she reads in the versesthat enjoin good treatment of parents. Therefore, her kindness and respect towards them will increase, and she will be even more devoted to serving them. She will do her utmost to please them, even if she has a husband, house, children and other responsibilities of her own;' Allah Says (what means):
{And We have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him . . .} [Quran 31:14]
{We have enjoined on man kindness to parents . . .} [Quran 29:8]
{Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good - to parents…} [Quran 4:36]
There are plenty of Hadeeth that reinforce the message of the above quoted versesand reiterate the virtue of kindness and respect towards one's parents, as well as warning against disobedience or mistreatment of them for any reason whatsoever.
`Abdullaah ibn Mas`ood said: "I asked the Prophet `Which deed is most liked by Allah?' He said, `Prayer offered on time.' I asked him `Then what?' He said, `Kindness and respecttowards parents.' I asked him `Then what?' He said, `Jihaad for the sake of Allah.'" [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
What a high status the Prophet has given to parents by placing kindness to them between these two high ranking deeds; Prayer is the pillar or foundation of the faith and Jihaad is the pinnacle of Islam!
A man came and asked the Prophet for permission to participate in Jihaad. He asked him, "Are your parents alive?"The man said, "Yes," so the Prophet told him, "So perform Jihaad by taking care of them."[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
In the midst of preparing his army for Jihaad, the Prophet did not forget the weakness of parents and their claims on their children, so he gently reminded him to take care of his parents. This is because he understood the importance of respect and kind treatment of parents, and knew its position in the overall Islamic framework that Allah has designed for the well being and happiness of mankind.
Kindness to parents should be practiced both during their lives and after their deaths. After their death, she shows her love and respect by praying for them, giving charity on their behalf, and paying off whatever debts they may owe to Allah or to other people. A woman of Juhaynah came to the Prophet and said: "My mother owed a month's fasting, so may I fast on her behalf?" The Prophet said, "Fast on her behalf." She said, "She never performed Hajj, so may I perform Hajj on her behalf?" He said: "Perform Hajj on her behalf."[Muslim]
Respecting non-Muslim parents
The Prophet raised his teachings to a new peak by enjoining the companions, may Allah be pleased with them, to treat their parents with kindness and respect even if they were not Muslims. Asmaa' bint Abi Bakr Al-Siddeeq, may Allah be pleased with her, said: "My mother came to me, and she was not Muslim. I asked the Prophet `My mother has come to me and needs my help, so should I help her?' He said, `Yes, keep in touch with your mother and help her.'" [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
No to disobedience
Just as the Muslim woman hastens to treat her parents with kindness and respect, she is also afraid to commit the sin of disobeying them, because she realizes the enormity of this sin which is counted as a major grave sin.
Islam paints a frightening picture of the one who disobeys her parents, and this stirs her conscience and softens any hardness of heart or harsh feelings that she might be harboring.
Islam draws a comparison between disobedience towards one's parents and the crime of associating partners with Allah. Nufay` ibn Al-Haarith, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "The Messenger of Allah asked us three times, `Shall I tell you the greatest sins?'We said, `Yes, O Messenger of Allah .' He said: `Associating partners with Allah and disobeying one's parents.'" [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Mothers first
A man came to the Prophet and asked him, "O Messenger of Allah, who among people is most deserving of my good company?" He said, "Your mother." The man asked, "Then who?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man asked, "Then who?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man asked, "Then who?" The Prophet said, "Then your father." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
This confirms that the Prophet gave precedence to kind treatment of one's mother over kind treatment of one's father. Ibn `Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, a great scholar and jurist, considered kind treatment of one's mother to be the best deed to bring one closer to Allah. A man came to him and said, "I asked for a woman's hand in marriage, and she refused me. Someone else asked for her hand and she accepted and married him. I felt jealous, so I killed her. Will my repentance be accepted?" Ibn `Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, asked, "Is your mother still alive?" He said, "No." So he told him, "Repent to Allah and do your best to draw close to Him."
`Ataa' ibn Yassar, may Allah be pleased with him, asked Ibn Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, `Why did you ask him if his mother was still alive?' He, may Allah be pleased with him, said, `Because I know of no other deed that brings people closer to Allah than kind treatment and respect towards one's mother.'"
The Quran evokes feelings of love and respect in the heart of the child, and encourages him or her to treat parents well. It refers to the mother being given precedence because of pregnancy and breast-feeding, and the pains and trials that she suffers during these two stages, in a most gentle and compassionate way. It recognizes her noble sacrifice and great tenderness and care. Allah Says (what means): {And We have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: [hear the command]: `Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me is [your final] Goal.}[Quran 31:14]
What supreme teaching! What humane, compassionate direction: "Show gratitude to Me and to your parents." Showing gratitude to parents for what they have done for their child comes second only to showing gratitude to Allah, and is one of the best righteous deeds. What a high status this religion gives to parents!
Ibn `Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, saw a Yemeni man circumambulating the Ka`bah, carrying his mother. The man said to him, "I am like a tame camel for her: I have carried her more than she carried me. Do you think I have paid her back, O Ibn `Umar?" He replied, "No, not even one contraction!"
Finally, dutifulness to parents will protect a person from hard-heartedness and ingratitude. What is more, it will open to them the gates of Paradise.