When Allah The Almighty intends good for His slave, He instills him or her with an awareness of the flaws in his or her character. An insightful person knows of the defects in his or her personality, and upon identifying those blameworthy traits, he or she is able to get rid of them. However, most people are ignorant of their own shortcomings, while some even focus on the minor faults of others while neglecting their own grave errors.
There are four ways to diagnose the defects in one’s soul:
1- By keeping the company of a discerning scholar, who is well versed in the flaws and weaknesses of the soul, and learning of one’s shortcomings from him, as well as their cure.
2- By befriending a perceptive, religious person, who scrutinizes your conditions and deeds, and draws your attention to any flaws in them; this was the habit of the righteous predecessors, as ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, would often say, “May Allah have mercy upon whoever reveals to me my faults.” He, may Allah be pleased with him, also used to ask Huthayfah, may Allah be pleased with them both: “You are the one to whom the Prophet disclosed the names of hypocrites. Do you see any signs of hypocrisy in me?” Thus, even despite his great status, this is how ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, would accuse himself.
Therefore, the more reasonable and dignified a person is, the less conceited he or she is and the more he or she recognizes deficiency in him/herself and gets pleased if informed about his or her weaknesses by others. Yet, today, the most detestable people to us are those who advise us and draw our attention to our flaws, which is probably an indication of a weakness in faith, on our part.
Evil manners are like snakes and scorpions. If someone pointed out either of them under your clothes, you would consider it a favor, and would rush to remove or kill the venomous animal. You would do this, even though a scorpion would harm the body for a day or two. On the other hand, evil manners ruin the heart ethically, and its evil effect lasts even after a person dies, perhaps for eternity. Yet, we do not thank those who call our attention to them; rather, we occupy ourselves by countering with spiteful remarks about them in return, and allow enmity to prevent us from benefitting from their advice. This kind of defensive reaction may stem from a hardness of the heart, which is a consequence of sinning profusely. However, it should be clear that the origin of all these problems is weakness of faith. We ask Allah The Almighty to enlighten us about our defects, occupy us with fixing them and make us thankful to those who guide us to identify them.
3- By benefitting from our enemies’ criticism of us, because, in a resentful eye, we see our own evils. Perhaps, the value of an enemy who underscores our defects is greater than the benefit one gains from a flattering friend. That is because we are inclined to accuse our enemies of lying and consider their faultfinding motivated by envy. Nevertheless, a reasonable person certainly stands to benefit from his rivals’ comments.
4- By mingling with people and attributing the flaws one sees in them to oneself, for a Muslim is like a mirror to his fellow believing brother, in which he sees his own defects reflected. One should also know that people's natures are similar in their responses to their whims. Thus, they share one or more of the same or perhaps worse evil streaks that they see in others.
Therefore, everyone should inspect his or her own soul and purify it from all that he or she censures others about. It is an excellent way to educate the self by abandoning all that we detest in others; in this way, no one would be in need of a guide. However, these are alternatives, for those who can find a discerning guide to provide them with religious advice, should accompany him, because he would help cure them of their blameworthy characteristics.