There's nothing like that feeling of anticipation in the weeks before Ramadan. My heart flitters ceaselessly somewhere between agony and ecstasy at what I hope to put forth and what that blessed month may bring. This pre-Ramadan excitement is an essential ingredient for a productive, meaningful Ramadan and it can never begin too early. In fact, it must start early if we hope to instill the love and importance of Ramadan in our children.
Let the fast begin!
Fasting is the obvious Ramadan activity to begin engaging your children in. However, it does not become obligatory upon them until they reach puberty. The Prophet said: “The pens have been lifted from three: From one who has lost his mind until he comes back to his senses, from one who is sleeping until he wakes up, and from a child until he reaches the age of adolescence.” [Abu Daawood]
Scholars differ regarding the age a child should start fasting. Some analogize fasting to the Prayer, holding that parents must begin training their children to fast at the age of 7 and then hold them accountable at the age of 10. Ibn Qudaamah said: “This means that he should be made to fast and told to do so. And he should be spanked if he does not do it, so as to train him and make him get used to it, just as he should be made to perform prayer and told to do it.” This is the view held by other prominent scholars such as Imaam Ash-Shaafi`i, 'Ataa' ibn Rabaah, AI-Hasan Al-Basri, and Ibn Sireen .
Moreover, we know from various Hadeeths that the child-Companions of the Prophet fasted.
The Prophet sent messengers to the villages of the Ansaar on the morning of 'Ashooraa' (i.e., 10th of Muharram) with the message: “He who has started the day not fasting, let him finish his day, and he who has started the day fasting, let him continue fasting.” A Companion, may Allah be pleased with him, remarked: "We used to fast that day thereafter, and make our children fast as well. We would make them woolen toys. If any of them cried of hunger, we would give him a toy to play with until it was time for ending the fast." [Al-Bukhari]
Al-Bukhari points out that the practice of the people of Madeenah was to encourage children to fast. He relates that 'Umar, the second Caliph, may Allah be pleased with him, saw a man who was drunk during one day in Ramadan. 'Umar may Allah be pleased with him then reproached him saying: "Confound you, how do you do this when our children are fasting?"
Ar-Rubyi', the daughter of Mu`awwath reported, “We used to fast and have our children fast. When we went to the mosque, we would give them cloth toys to play with. Whenever a child would cry for food, we would give that child the toys. We would do this until it was time to break the fast.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Imaam Ibn Hanbal however, recommends the age of 10 and this view is also held by Al-Kharqi, the well-known Hanbali jurist, who said: “When a child is 10 years old and is able to fast, he should start to do so.” Other scholars recommend even older ages. Is'haaq said: “When a child reaches the age of 12, he should be made to fast so that he gets used to it.” But according to Imaam Malik children do not need to fast until they reach the age of puberty.
Still other scholars, like Imaam Al-Awzaa’i do not recommend an age, as every child responds differently to fasting. He said: “If a child is able to fast for three consecutive days without interruption and without becoming weak, then he should be made to fast Ramadan.” It is obvious from these statements that parents need to exercise judgment in order to determine when to start working with every child on his or her fasting training.
Fasting-bite-by-bite
The Prophet Muhammad said: “No father has given a greater gift to his children than good moral training.” [Tirmithi]
Generally speaking, the earlier the training, the better. As with introducing them to prayer, we should gradually introduce them to the concept and practice of fasting, nor should we coerce them into fasting while they are yet young.
Dr. Rashad Lashin advises: "Between seven and nine years of age, it is possible to gradually introduce children to the fast. At the beginning, they can be encouraged to fast until 10 AM. Then the time can be increased until the time of the Thuhr (noon) prayer, then until the time of the ‘Asr (afternoon) prayer. At this point, we can encourage them, saying, `Come on, be brave. Keep up the fast until sunset and complete it all the way.’”
Our teacher spent the early years of the Islamic message developing consciousness of Allah in the hearts of the believers whereby they implemented His commands of their own accord, out of love, fear and hope of their Lord. Similarly, we should focus on helping our children cultivate their own personal relationship with Allah so that they may incline toward `Ibaadah (worship) of their own accord as they get closer to puberty.
The point of the pangs
We must ground our children, first and foremost, in firm knowledge of what the purposes of Ramadan are.
1. Mercy: Ramadan is a mercy from Allah for it gives us an opportunity to draw closer to Him through increasing our worship and piety. Thus our past sins are forgiven and our fasting shields us from the Hellfire and intercedes for us on the Day of Judgment.
2. Reward: It is a great time to reap reward since these are multiplied up to 700 times this month.
3. Reflection: Ramadan provides a welcome break from our hectic lives to appreciate the blessings of Allah, reflect on shortcomings and identify areas for self-improvement.
4. Recharging: Fasting enables the body to take a rest from our constant intake of food. It shifts our focus away from the distractions of this world so that we may recharge our minds, bodies and souls for the coming year.
Ramadan: points of perspective
Ramadan is special. Let your children know why so that they feel rooted in history and participating in the past. Tell them that in this very month the Quran was first revealed, Islam first came to the world, the Prophet began his prophethood.
Tell your children that this is the month in which the Angel Gabriel would recite the whole Quran with the Prophet . Work with your children in their recitation and memorization; encourage them to pray Taraaweeh at home or in the mosque, to make Thikr, and to learn new supplications and Hadeeths. Read the Seerah with them or have them listen to it on tapes before they sleep.
Take this month to teach your children that the Prophet was sent to reform our character. Allah, we should reiterate, does not need our fasting. Fasting is a tool we need that should help us improve our character through teaching patience and kindness. Fasting is not a license to get easily upset or angry; it is meant to do just the opposite, in fact. (Note: the best way to teach this, and perhaps the only way, is to actually do it yourself).
Nonetheless, parents need to keep in mind that fasting is hard in the beginning, especially when days are long and hot. Children will get tired and more irritable. Parents should find different ways to occupy their fasting children and work out several strategies to diffuse tension and potential arguments.
Crank up the Ramadan specialness
The Prophet Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, taught by example. So too should we. Make the milestone events of daily Ramadan life exciting and momentous. Get the whole family up for Suhoor and eat your favorite foods (this is a sure-fire seller for falling utterly in love with Ramadan. Believe me, there is nothing quite so thrilling for children as waking in middle of the night and having a feast.) Make Iftaar and Taraweeh just as unique and memorable in their own ways. Let your children participate as much as possible: Appoint a Waker-Upper, a Muath-thin, an Imaam for prayer, and so on.
Encourage your kids to compete in acts of worship, have them perform as many good deeds as they can in this month. Hang a calendar on the wall to document their achievements so they may follow their progress. If they attend a Muslim school or even an after school class, work with their instructors on motivational plans. I am not inclined toward the whole sticker-reward-culture or offers of money and gifts. We should nurture our children to do good deeds without expecting anything back.
As frequent television use stifles creativity, wastes time and stagnates brain activity we should strongly consider eliminating it for the month. With the TV out of the way, you've just completed the first step to making a creative-friendly environment for your children. Get up and do things! Go to the park, the zoo, the library, the museum, and other such places.
The Prophet was particularly generous in Ramadan. Inculcate this characteristic in your children. Organizing Iftaars for friends, family and neighbors not only makes Ramadan livelier for children, but it also teaches the great ethic of giving. Visit the sick and elderly with your children, explain to them this Prophetic practice of emotional charity. Have your children make their own charity box, instilling in them creativity, accomplishment, and generosity.
Use different sorts of entertaining educational material, such as interactive quizzes, Nasheeds, videos, and the like. Do arts and crafts. Kids old enough can keep their own Ramadan Diary, writing in it their thoughts and feelings about their Ramadan. Do not forget to engage your kids in discussion about what they've learned. If your children are in public schools then try to do a presentation about Ramadan at their school. Do not underestimate the power of congratulating your children on their achievements and giving them positive feedback.
Leap & bound toward 'Eed
It is critically and absolutely important in this anti-Muslim environment that your children have spectacular 'Eeds. You should do your best to hype your kids up for that day. Plan 'Eed together and make it as special and fun as possible. Explain the moon-sighting to your kids (as simply as possible) and try to sight it together. This is a wonderful way to get children excited about and interested in 'Eed. Make the breakfast before the 'Eed prayer a big to-do. The first meal eaten in day-light after a month carries its own magic. Get together with family and organize a kid's party with decorations, games and gifts to commemorate Ramadan and give it that finishing touch.
Finally, some words of advice from a brother who started fasting on his own volition at age 6 even though his parents would go to great lengths to avoid waking him up for Suhoor. “After the fist day, I found fasting addictive and it was easy to complete Ramadan. I would fast even though my parents did not wake me up, as I wanted to do it for myself. My parents would give me extra pocket money and that kept me going.” May Allah accept it from you, and bless the Ramadans of all our young.