The manner in which children view Ramadan and its importance to their life in this world and in the Hereafter varies from one child to another according to the impetus that they get before and during Ramadan, what their parents accustom them to and the extent of the influence of their parents’ culture and concerns.
Some children consider Ramadan as the season of gastronomic indulgence and an opportunity to sample various kinds of food especially when they notice that the amount of foodstuff bought in Ramadan is greater than during any other month either in quality or quantity, and so on.
Some children associate Ramadan to the dubbed cartoons or TV serials which are sponsored by the people whose evil-enjoining souls order them to specifically choose the month of Ramadan to broadcast their works.
Other children consider Ramadan as a topsy turvy month characterized by a complete shift of sleeping hours, such that the day becomes their night and the night becomes their day.
There are yet other children who consider Ramadan as a chance for training the self to endure hardship and testing one's patience to prove at the end of every day that they are ascending the steps of youth, strength and pride in order to be among the reliable men and women and to prove that they are able to carry out religious obligations. Such children pray Taraaweeh (special voluntary night prayers) and recite a great deal of the Quran and recite the whole Quran more than once.
The difference between the children is due to the direction and upbringing that they receive from their families, or the negligence in that respect.
Our righteous predecessors realized the importance of this matter. Therefore, they paid great attention to the way they raised their children with practical direction and gradual training.
Ar-Rubayyi‘ bint Mu‘awwith, may Allah be pleased with her, mentioned that the Companions used to fast the day of ‘Aashooraa’ (tenth of Muharram) and make their children fast this day. They made dummies of wool in order to pacify the child when he cried wanting to eat. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Khaalid ibn Thakwaan said, “I asked Ar-Rubayyi‘ bint Mu‘awwith, may Allah be pleased with her, about fasting on the day of ‘Aashooraa’. Thereupon she said, ‘The Messenger of Allah sent his messengers to the villages of the Ansaar…We used to make toys out of wool and take (them to the mosque) along with us. When they (the children) asked us for food, we gave them these toys to play with, and this distracted them until they completed their fast.’” [Muslim]
An-Nawawi said, “This Hadeeth indicates training the children to do good deeds and acts of worship while they are not yet competent for religious obligations.”
Mothers’ mistakes before the daughters’
Every year, there is a common question that women direct to scholars, “When I was young and reached the age of puberty and menstruated in Ramadan, I pretended to be fasting as I used to do in Ramadan. However, I did not make up for the days in which I broke my fast. Years went by until I reached my thirties or forties without making up for those days. What should I do?”
This question and others like it shows us the extent of alienation between daughters and their mothers, such that the daughter hesitates to tell her mother about many matters that she experiences out of bashfulness or alienation.
Therefore, the girls, especially in the age of adolescence, may tell their secrets to their teenage friends, who lack wisdom and experience themselves. The outcome of their advice may bring about disasters.
The mother should be like a friend to her daughter: talking with her, joking with her and entertaining her in order to be close to her especially in the stage of adolescence.
Pondering on the Sharee‘ah (Islamic legislation) texts, one would realize that delicate feelings and sensitive emotions are inherent in females. Therefore, the Sharee‘ah advised and encouraged that this matter be taken into consideration when addressing certain issues that involve women.
When people neglect this consideration, they transgress the limits of Sharee‘ah in proportion to their negligence.
Nowadays, many families are at either of the two extreme ends: some of them give the girl complete freedom with regard to coming and going and being away from home whenever she wishes. On the other extreme, there are those who impose strict restrictions on the girls’ dress, talk and movements in a way that deprives her even from lawful matters under Sharee‘ah. Hence, the thought of looking for another resort arises. The right course is in the middle between these two extremes.
In order to understand the right way with which a family can deal with a girl especially her parents and the required care for her feelings and emotions, we should contemplate on a memorable incident noticed by Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, that she narrated. She said, “I never saw anyone more like the Messenger of Allah in respect of gravity, calm deportment, pleasant disposition than Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her. When she came to visit him, he got up to welcome her, took her by the hand, kissed her and made her sit where he was sitting; and when he went to visit her, she got up to welcome him, took him by the hand, kissed him, and made him sit where she was sitting.” [Abu Daawood and At-Tirmithi]
Girls nowadays are in need of this refined treatment which is full of mercy and kindness more than any time before, so that they would feel the closeness of their families and their concern for their welfare. Such treatment would save them from the pressures of contemporary life and would help them ascend to the heights of honor and nobility.