Islam has established a set of wise rules to protect the family from dispute and disunity. It has also fixed firm principles that save the family from all kinds of problems, which disrupt the happiness of both spouses and put an end to affection and tranquility between them. Moreover, Islam has prevented everything that is likely to disunite family members or prevent the family from achieving its goals.
The reason why Islam pays great attention to the family is that it is the strong brick with which the edifice of the Muslim community is built, and it is also the faith-based school from where the Muslim generations graduate.
Hence, the enemies of Islam are keen to destroy the family and shake its pillars in order to make it impotent to produce or raise a new generation of righteous Muslims. In doing so, they have directed their machinations towards the family through many means, the most important of which is the media.
Unfortunately, the family which is targeted by the enemies is also threatened by its very own members, firstly the husband and then the wife.
Out of our keenness to safeguard the Muslim family from all the problems it faces, it is important to alert the husband to some important mistakes which contribute considerably to the destruction of the family unit and sow the seeds of malice and hatred among its members. When these mistakes, as well as others, are avoided, we will have a “family without problems”, except the incidental ones which are part of human nature and which occurred in the homes of the Prophet, , such as jealousy among women. When the husband and wife are fully aware of their responsibilities and duties, they are capable of solving even incidental problems like this.
Similarly, we have included some recommendations for the wife that — if they are applied — are likely to make her home a tranquil nest and a safe haven where love, mercy, tranquility and affection reign.
Prevention is better than cure
There are certain important matters that must be considered before marriage in order to save the Muslim family from the problems which are likely to weaken it. These include:
· A good choice:
A Muslim man is required to choose a righteous woman to be his wife, the mother of his children and the confidante who safeguards his secrets. The Muslim should know that neglecting to assess the character of a prospective spouse might lead to great problems and tremendous clashes in their marital life.
Piety and righteousness are the most important characteristics that the Muslim man should seek in a prospective wife. It was narrated that the Prophet, , said: "A woman is married for four (reasons): her wealth, noble family background, beauty, and religiousness. So, try to marry a religious woman, for otherwise your hands will cleave to dust (you lose)."
Commenting on this Hadeeth (narration), An-Nawawi said, "The sound interpretation of this Hadeeth is that the Prophet mentioned what people usually do as they look for these four characteristics in women. From their point of view, however, the religious one comes at the end. So, this is advice for the one who seeks guidance to marry a religious woman."
The same applies to the suitor. It is necessary to be certain that he is righteous and pious. Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves.} [Quran 24: 32]
It was narrated that the Prophet, , said: "If a man whose religiousness and morals you (guardians) approve of proposes to you (to marry your daughters or women under your guardianship), then marry him; otherwise, there will be a temptation on earth and widespread corruption."
Moreover, pious and righteous people should be consulted on marriage, as Faatimah bint Qays, may Allah be pleased with her, did. It was narrated that she said, "I came to the Prophet and said, 'Abu Al-Jahm and Mu‘aawiyah proposed to me (at the same time).' The Messenger of Allah said:'Mu‘aawiyah is a poor man and Abu Al-Jahm never puts down his stick (beats women).'" [Muslim]
The Messenger of Allah, , investigated the conditions of the two men and concluded that the first was poor and the second used to beat women.
· Looking at the prospective wife
Many families have been destroyed during the first few months of marital life due to the lack of love and harmony between the husband and wife. Looking is the guide and leader of the heart. Therefore, the Messenger of Allah, , said to Al-Mugheerah, may Allah be pleased with him, when he proposed to a woman: "Look at her for this is more likely to create affection between you." Al-Mugheerah, may Allah be pleased with him, said, "So, I looked at her and then married her. She was the dearest of all women to me."
Consequently, a man should look at the woman to whom he proposes and then ask his heart whether or not he loves her and whether or not he can love her in the future. Beware of deceiving yourself or of being too shy to speak frankly with your family about how you feel.
· Conditions are restrictions
Only approve of the conditions that you are capable of fulfilling in the marital contract. Many post-marital problems occur due to the husband's violation of some conditions which he approved of at the time of concluding the marital contract but failed to fulfill after marriage. That is because his emotional surge and zeal ended and he felt the heaviness of these conditions to which he had committed himself. However, Muslims are required to abide by their pledges, and the pledges that are most worthy of being fulfilled are those by virtue of which a man makes a certain woman lawful to him.
Consequently, the husband must be careful not to commit himself to conditions that he is incapable of fulfilling.