‘Aa‘ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, was once asked, “Who is the best of women?” She answered, “She who does not use foul language, who is unaware of men’s cunningness (so she does not become their rival), and whose heart is occupied with nothing but adorning herself for her husband and caring for her children.”
Know, my dear sister, that believing in Allah The Exalted is the essence of your happiness and the source of comfort and tranquillity. Indeed, misery, suffering, and constant agonies are caused by abandoning faith in Allah The Almighty, and neglecting His remembrance, thankfulness to Him, and failing to fulfil the due rights of the acts of worship. Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {“Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah the hearts are assured.”} [Quran 13:28[H.S1]
{“And whoever turns away from My remembrance – indeed, he will lead a depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection blind.”} [Quran 20:124]
A young Muslim immigrant to the USA narrates that he had worked for a wealthy businessman who owns companies there. Whenever this businessman passed by this young man, he would find him smiling and appearing happy, whereas, the employer was sad, worried and gloomy all the time. Once he asked the young Muslim man about the secret behind his smile which reflects happiness and joy. The young man simply answered him, “Because I am Muslim.” Then the businessman exclaimed, “Will I find this happiness that you feel if I embrace Islam?” The young man answered, “Yes.” Then he accompanied his employer to an Islamic Centre where he embraced Islam and then burst into tears. When he was asked about the reason why he was crying, he answered, “This is the first time in my entire life that I have experienced real happiness.” [Tareek As-Sa‘aadah (The Way to Happiness)]
A mother’s advice to her daughter
When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybaani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the Jaahiliyyah, (pre-Islamic era) married his daughter Umm Iyaas to al-Haarith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umaamah came in to her, and advised her daughter saying,
My dear daughter, you are leaving the home in which you have been brought up and were raised, to a home which you do not know, and with a new companion who you are not accustomed to. By marrying you, he has become your guardian and superior. Therefore, be a slave to him and he will be a slave to you.
My dear daughter, maintain these ten traits and he will always support you. As for the first and second trait: Be content in your life with him and be an obedient companion.
The third and fourth: Continuously be attentive to what his eyes fall on and to what his nose might smell. Do not let him behold you unattractive, and let him only smell pleasant scents from you.
The fifth and the sixth: Be attentive to the time of his meals, and be quiet during his sleep; for hunger is agitating, and disturbing one’s sleep arouses anger.
The seventh and eighth: Preserve his money, and look after his household and children, for guarding his money is a good characteristic, and looking after his household and children is a way of honoring him.
As for the ninth and tenth traits: Never expose his secrets or disobey his orders, for if you expose his secrets you will not be safe from his betrayal, and if you disobey his orders you will make him angry.
In addition, avoid expressing happiness while he is sad, or being gloomy while he is happy, for the first quality is an act of negligence, and the second displeases him.
Honor him the best you can, and he will honor you the best he can.
The more you agree with him, the longer he will stay in your company.
Know, that you will not attain what you aspire for unless you favor his contentment over yours, and his desires over yours whether concerning something that pleases or displeases you.
Steps to marital happiness
· Remember that you are not a man:
Many wives face marital failure due to developing complexes about their femininity. Such women are not proud of their femininity, and do not acknowledge their husbands’ role of being in charge and their right to lead the family. Such women are paranoid, constantly feeling that their husbands are trying to subdue them and exercise their masculinity over them. Consequently, such a wife will try to prove that she is equal to him. These poisonous beliefs will ruin their lives and turn it into a living hell.
Such a woman should know that men and women complete one another; men enjoy the qualities that women lack, and similarly, women enjoy the qualities that men lack. Men’s right to take charge over women does not mean humiliation or suppression; rather, it means leadership, responsibility, wisdom, compassion, mercy and affection. By virtue of man’s right to take charge, he can take his wife through their life journey tosafety and happiness.
· Search for the positive side:
Many wives do not feel happy in their marriages because of their negative perspective of their husbands; they only see their flaws and defects. Their husbands might have countless good qualities that surpass their defects, but their melancholic perspective of their life blinds them from such good traits, thus she is only able to see her husband’s weaknesses.
A wise wife should look for her husband’s positive traits, enumerate them, try to foster them and praise him for them. Moreover, she should be patient with his flaws and defects, and try to overlook them. Were she to confront her husband’s abuse with kindness, it would deeply affect him and perhaps drive him to change his bad behavior with her, and replace his flaws and defects with positive qualities.
· Make sure of your husband’s love for you:
Verifying your husband’s love for you is essential for the wife to attainmarital happiness. On the one hand, a husband should affirm his love for his wife from time to time. On the other hand, a wife should remind herself of her husband’s love for her and try to find reasons which could verify that love; the first of which was his proposal to marry her in the first place which proves his attraction towards her and his love for her. Besides, the fact that he is still married to her also indicates this. Add to that, the fact that he financially supports her, tends to her, cares for her, and feels protective jealousy over her. All this highlights his love for his wife.
· Your happiness lies in your contentment:
How many women have deprived themselves of attainingmarital happinessbecause of wishing for what others have? The wife pushes her husband to satisfy her desires by providing her with luxuries that are not necessary at all, knowing that he cannot afford that. On seeing her husband unable to provide her with what she wants, she loses respect for him and sees him as a lazy and passive person.
If such a wife were to judge her life fairly, she would have seen countless positive points and the bright side of the pages of her life, that can guarantee her happiness if she is content with the blessings that Allah The Exalted has bestowed upon her. In the past, the Muslim wife would stand at her porch bidding her husband farewell, as he went to work and remind him, “Fear Allah The Almighty, and beware, beware of bringing back home anything that is unlawful; we can endure hunger, but we can never endure Hell.” It is worth mentioning that a happy person is not he who gets all that he wishes for; since one’s desires cannot be fully satisfied, and wishes continue until the last breath. Actually, true happiness is found in contentment.