Question:
In the Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Ever Merciful
I do not know how to quit masturbation. I even practiced it during the month of Ramadan. Please advise. How can one repent of backbiting without exposing himself?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, The Most Merciful The Ever Merciful
Dear brother,
Assalaamu ‘Alaykum
As for your question regarding quitting masturbation, and repenting to Allah The Almighty after backbiting it indicates that you are a believer who loves to obey Allah The Almighty and His Messenger, , and hates to disobey Allah or His Messenger, . This indicates that Allah The Almighty has guided you and it also indicates that you are a faithful person who is suffering from many temptations, but you want to be upright and to permanently avoid what is prohibited and all that brings the wrath of Allah The Almighty.
This is the basis of the solution as you should be keen on obeying Allah The Almighty and His Messenger, in ordinary circumstances. You cannot quit masturbation without seeking the help of Allah The Almighty, so have a sincere intention to obey Him and not do this again. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].} [Quran 3:159]
This means that you should avoid anything that arouses you such as looking at non-Mahram (marriageable) women, whether this is on television or around you in the place where you live. It is through lowering the gaze that you would be able to maintain your chastity. This is why Allah The Almighty ordered the believers to lower their gaze before ordering them to maintain their chastity. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is acquainted with what they do.} [Quran 24:30]
First, you should also avoid intermixing with non-Mahram women because looking at non-Mahram women is prohibited, so intermixing with them is surely prohibited to a greater degree and is more dangerous. You should avoid anything that arouses your desires.
Second, you should be keen on getting married to a righteous woman as soon as possible, as marriage is one of the greatest reasons that can protect you from committing what is prohibited. It was narrated that the Prophet, , said: “O young people, whoever among you can marry should marry, for it helps one lower his gaze and maintain his chastity; whoever could not marry should fast, for it diminishes his sexual desire.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
It is well known that marriage depends on having the ability to do so. If you are unable to get married, you should exert more efforts to be able to do so. It was narrated that the Prophet, , said: "There are three whom Allah certainly helps (then he mentioned among them): the one who seeks marriage to maintain his chastity."
Despite the fact that masturbation is a bad habit, jurists have different opinions regarding its permissibility. Some scholars said that it is permissible for the one who is compelled to practice it for fear of committing adultery. There is no doubt that masturbation is better than adultery and less harmful according to the consensus of scholars. Nevertheless, we advise you to adopt the stricter view, fear Allah The Almighty, and be keen on not doing this again so that Allah The Almighty would guide you to marry a righteous wife.
As regards repenting after backbiting without exposing oneself, this can be done by regretting what you did, intending never to do this again and completely avoiding backbiting. As for the person that you have backbitten, you should supplicate Allah The Almighty for him a lot to the extent that you feel that you have done enough for this person – that would expiate your sin. When you do so, you will have repented without being liable to blame or anger.
We ask Allah The Almighty to guide you, bless you and ease your affairs. We hope to keep in touch with you through correspondence so that you would always find the help you require.
May Allah grant us success and guidance!