• I want to marry my friend’s sister, but my parents refuse
The problem:
I am a twenty-two-year-old religious man. I want to marry the sister of one of my friends, but I face a great problem, because my father wants me to marry my paternal cousin, while my mother wants me to marry my maternal cousin. I do not want to marry either of them. Both my parents try to convince me and I want your advice. May Allah The Almighty guide you to what pleases Him.
The answer:
There is no doubt that marriage is an exclusive right of the husband, as he is the one who will spend the rest of his life with his wife. Hence, he may find a woman whom he likes and accepts her attributes such as his friend’s sister and he may see that she is suitable for him based on his direct observation or through reliable sources. This young man certainly knows everything about his paternal and maternal cousins since their childhood, and knows their morals and attributes in such a way that has made him dislike them and feel inclined to the other girl.
I say that preventing this young man from marrying the sister of his friend, whom he favors, loves, and knows her righteousness, harms him and forces him to do what he dislikes. Forcing him to marry his paternal or maternal cousin despite his strong hatred for them torments and harms him. Moreover, such relationships do not usually last, as the spouses whose relationship is established this way do not usually stay together for long. We advise the parents of this young man to allow him to marry his friend’s sister whom he likes and favors, and Allah The Almighty will enrich each of them from His abundance.
• My father rejects suitable suitors
The problem:
I am a twenty-five-year-old woman. My father refused a righteous young man who proposed to me just because he knew about me through my mother and maternal uncles. Does he have the right to do so?
If my father insists on his stand, is it permissible for my elder brother to be my guardian and marry me to this suitable young man?
The answer:
Your father made a mistake by refusing the suitable suitor and he has no right to do so. The fact that this suitor knows about you through your mother and maternal uncles can never be an excuse to refuse him. Your father has no right to delay your marriage especially since you have reached an age, after which, the woman becomes no longer desired by men and the result may be either becoming a spinster or marrying an old or married man.
Consequently, you should advise your father leniently through his brothers and relatives. If he insists on preventing his daughter from marriage, then, you should file this case before the marriage court to oblige him to allow his daughter to marry or appoint her elder brother or uncle as her guardian.
• I swore not to speak with my brother
The problem:
I disagreed with my brother and swore four times not to talk to him. Now, I regret this and want to know if I am required to offer four expiations or just one?
Please advise me. May Allah reward you.
The answer:
You have to offer one expiation as the cause of making these oaths is single and repetition was meant for confirmation. Hence, these four oaths are considered one oath and it is enough to offer an expiation especially that you swore to commit a prohibition, namely, deserting your brother and severing kinship ties.
Consequently, you should repent to Allah The Almighty and refrain from the prohibited desertion, as the Prophet said: “It is not lawful for a Muslim to desert (stop talking to) his brother beyond three nights, one turning one way and the other turning to the other way when they meet, the better of the two is the one who greets the other first.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
“Brother” in this Hadeeth (narration) refers to the Muslim brother not to mention one’s full brother. Deserting one’s brother is severing kinship ties, and the Prophet said: “Whoever severs kinship ties will not enter Paradise.” [Muslim Ahmad]
Of course, refraining from speaking with your brother for more than three days severs kinship ties; thus, you have to repent to Allah The Almighty, apologize to your brother, and return to reconciliation, as reconciliation is good.
And Allah knows best.
• My stepmother is cruel to me
The problem:
I am a twenty-two-year-old girl and my mother died when I was still young. I lived many painful years with my stepmother who was always cruel to me. She always insults me and threatens me that she will convince my father to marry me to whomever she wants. How should I deal with her? Should I accept any suitor to get rid of her injustice?
Please advise me. May Allah reward you.
The answer:
You are now old enough to determine what is better for you. Apparently, you are more knowledgeable than your stepmother, because you have studied some beneficial religious and worldly sciences. Hence, you should not submit to others’ annoying or harmful behavior. You can get rid of these unfavorable conditions, regardless of the evil words you hear, through explaining the reality to your father. If he does not believe you, then, you know your interests better than anyone else. Therefore, whenever a suitable suitor proposes to you, you should accept even if your stepmother rejects him, because she has no right to decide for you. You can even determine and accept the suitable suitor without listening to her opinion whatsoever.
And Allah knows best.
• Our father rejects our suitors because of our salaries
The problem:
We are four sisters and we all work as teachers. Our elder sister is now twenty-seven years old. Unfortunately, our father rejects all suitors under false justifications, but we know that he does so to continue taking our salaries. Would you please advise him and other fathers like him?
May Allah reward you.
The answer:
We advise this father not to prevent his daughters from marriage because of a worldly benefit (their salaries), because this is unjust. The woman is entitled to marriage as she has sexual desire and natural inclination for a man and wishes to have righteous offspring. Depriving girls of marriage may make them subject to rape or harm, as the Prophet said: “If any man whose religion and morals are satisfactory proposes to marry one of your women, marry him, otherwise there will be great temptation and corruption on earth.” [Ibn Maajah] [Al-Albaani: Hasan]
This Hadeeth (narration) refers to the fact that rejecting the suitable suitor results in great temptation because the woman looks at men and she may be one of those who go frequently to the markets showing their adornment and intermixing with men. The evil that we see today in the large markets including harassment, exchange of phone numbers, dates, extorting foreign women, kidnapping, and the rampancy of immoral acts are only a few results of the youth’s inability to marry while being surrounded by temptations and fascinating pictures in magazines, films, and so on.
Anyway, if the guardian continues preventing the woman who is under his guardianship from marriage, then she has the right to file the case before the marriage court to force him to allow his daughters to marry or cancel his guardianship and transfer it to another relative. The court may also assume this guardianship to protect the girls against the expected harm and Fitnah (trial), which may result from delaying their marriage until they become old and are not sought by young men (i.e., to save the girls from being spinsters).
And Allah knows best.