One of the most important characteristics of the Muslim community is its dependence upon collective decision-making and the principle of consultation, as mentioned in the Quran, concerning all the issues, big or small, that serve its benefits and affect its trends. Allah The Almighty Says (what means):
• #{And consult them in the matter.}## [Quran 3:159]
• #{And whose affair is [determined by] consultation among themselves.}## [Quran 42:38]
That was characteristic of the Muslim community in early times. The Prophet never did anything that concerned his community without consulting his Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, regarding it.
The Prophet consulted them whether or not to set out to fight the enemies in the Battle of Badr and also in the Battle of Uhud. He did the same in the event of the Ifk (a fabricated accusation cast on ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her), where he stood on the pulpit and addressed them saying: ~“Who would excuse me regarding a man who spoke evil about my family?”~~ And we find in At-Tirmithi the statement, “I have never seen a man who consulted his companions more often than Muhammad did his,” The Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, confirmed that with their behavior.
A single woman’s advice rescued the Muslims when the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, were on their way to the Ka‘bah to perform their pilgrimage, but were stopped by the Quraysh, subsequent to which the Prophet had signed the Hudaybiyah treaty. The Prophet ordered them to remove Ihraam (clothing of ritual consecration) without having performed the pilgrimage that they had come for, but none of them moved to implement that order. The Prophet went to his wife, Umm Salamah, may Allah be pleased with her, and said to her: ~“The people have been ruined.”~~ She suggested to him that he should not go out and not speak to any of them, but rather invite his barber (and have his head shaved, thus being the first to end Ihraam). The Prophet did as she said, whereupon the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, hastened to implement his command and imitate him.
That living example instructs us how the Prophet used to consult his wives, may Allah be pleased with them, in many affairs even if they pertained to the Ummah (Muslim nation), and not only the family.
The culture of consultation in the family brings it closer to the truth and farther from the wrong, as confirmed by Al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him and his father, “No people ever consult with each other except that they are thereby guided to their most correct direction.”
As we have already said in the conditions necessary for amending the family, it is not important if I am the one who gives the soundest opinion, but what is important is to follow it, even if it comes from anyone of my family members or anyone else. That is confirmed by Ash-Shaafi’i “I have never debated with anyone but that I hoped that Allah The Almighty would put the truth on his tongue.”
A lot of fathers behave in a non-Islamic way when dealing with their families in this respect. Any one of them might make many decisions that concern the entire family without informing them about it. He sometimes sells the house or the shop, sometimes gives his daughter in marriage, and so on, with the family being the last to know. The result is that many families fail in their relations because of the lack of communication.
According to specialized studies, more than 80% of the problems adolescents suffer from in the Arab world are the direct result of parents’ attempts to drive their children according to their own opinions, customs and traditions. This causes the children to abstain from being involved in dialogue with their parents, because the children think that either their parents are not concerned enough about their problems, or they could neither understand nor solve them.
Indeed, a father’s dictatorship produces distorted young people, whose main concern is only to set themselves free from that reality. This explains why girls often accept to marry the first man who proposes to them, whether or not he is suitable for her, simply to release herself from her father’s dictatorship.
Consultation within the family does not undermine the man’s station; on the contrary, it honors him in the sight of his children, makes him more respectable and lovable, and guides him, along with them, to the right path.
The benefits of consultation within the family are numerous, and we could sum up many of them as follows:
• Adherence to the methodology of Allah The Almighty in everyday life affairs.
• Capability of holding dialogue and accepting the opinion of others. Here, one should remember that his communication with the child teaches him/her how to speak fluently, helps him/her to arrange his/her ideas, develops his/her personality, and brings him/ her closer to the parents.
Many men and women cannot express their opinions whenever they sit in a gathering simply because they have not been accustomed to that in their homes. A lot of them do not accept the opinion of others for they are also not used to doing that in their homes.
Undoubtedly, that puts the children’s upbringing at risk, as well as their future and ability to integrate in life.
• Emergence of talents: The process of thinking is difficult, but at the same time, once a man is asked about anything, he starts to gather the different threads in order to weave a particular solution, which might be unique.
• Being distant from erroneous procedures.
If there is a mistake even after consultation, all members would share responsibility, and none of them would be accused of falling short in doing what they had to do.