One day, the Prophet told ’Aa‘ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, the lengthy Hadeeth of Umm Zar‘, which was narrated by Muslim and was explained by some scholars in volumes due to its enormous pearls of wisdom and meanings. After the Prophet told 'Aa‘ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, how Abu Zar' treated his wife Umm Zar', the Prophet said: “I am to you like Abu Zar‘ to Umm Zar‘.” He meant by this that he was perfect in good companionship and intimacy, just like Abu Zar' was with Umm Zar'.
In happy and cheerful moments, the Prophet brought happiness and cheer to his family. It was authentically narrated that on the day of ‘Eed the Abyssinian boys arrived and played with spears in the mosque. Just look at the perfect Sharee‘ah of Islam and its sublime mission! On that day of 'Eed which is characterized by happiness, the souls need a type of peace and affinity to remove the state of apathy and weariness. On that day, the Abyssinians entered the mosque of the Prophet and paraded with their spears. Just look where the parade was held; it was held in the second most sacred House of Allah, the Mosque of the Prophet !
The mosque was taken as a place where people played with spears on the day of 'Eed because it was a merry occasion. Islam is a religion of perfection that gives everything its due right and estimation. 'Aa‘ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, wanted to feel happy on that day. She, may Allah be pleased with her, wanted to watch the Ethiopians parading with their spears. She, may Allah be pleased with her, asked the Prophet to let her see the parade, so how did the Prophet reply to her? Did he tell her that she was immature or that she was wasting her time? Did he start reminding her that Paradise and Hell were approaching? No. The Prophet stood up on his noble feet to allow her to watch the Ethiopians, not for the purpose of watching for its own sake, but because he knew that this standing would please Allah The Almighty. The Prophet who was the cream and most perfect of creation, kept standing to please Allah without the least feeling of blemish or belittlement, because he felt that he was bringing affection, love and happiness to his family and translating his true love and perfect marriage by his standing. For that reason, the Prophet was the best husband to his wife, and his behavior represents the perfect and best guidance for the Muslim who wants to live equitably with his wife.
His wife would prepare his food and drink, and when he gathered with his family, beloved persons and wife under one roof, he would not say unpleasant words to her. If he found the food delicious, he would praise and appreciate it and thank the one who prepared it after thanking Allah The Almighty. If he found fault with it, he would not dispraise or criticize it, nor would he dispraise the one who cooked it.
Living equitably requires sacrifice, true love and mutual emotions that indicate perfection in marriage and intimacy. Therefore, the guidance of the Prophet is the most perfect guidance.
It was authentically narrated that 'Aa‘ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said that she would bring broth or milk to the Prophet and though he was the one who requested it, he would insist that she drink before him. 'Aa‘ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, was a noble woman and daughter of a noble man, so she did not accept drinking before the Messenger of Allah and preserved his right. When she gave him the drink, he would ask her to drink first, and when she refused, he would insist by taking an oath that she would drink first. As a result, she would take the container and drink and after that the Prophet would put his mouth in the same spot that her mouth had been. The Prophet did not do so without reason; rather, he wanted to let her know her value and to show her his love and affection. That is because just as the Prophet sought closeness to his Lord through prostration and bowing to Him, he also sought closeness to Him through comforting his wife's heart, bringing her happiness and making her cheerful. The Prophet sought closeness to Allah by teaching the Ummah (Muslim nation) perfect manners and the best ways of treating families and wives.
These are very important matters that a Muslim should pay attention to. Sometimes the wife needs to feel happy in her home, so if the Muslim wants to make her so he should adopt the guidance of the Prophet . Sometimes she wants to feel happy outside the house, so we find that the Prophet would go out with his wife to Qubaa' and race her. The Prophet and his wife started running, and she would beat him. Later, when she gained weight, the Prophet raced her again and this time he beat her, saying: “Tit for tat.” All these things represent love and kind treatment in lifestyle.
Whenever man looks at, reflects upon or studies well the guidance of the Prophet he will surely find good companionship in its perfect manner and best form, since he was the most perfect man in living equitably with his family. Muslim homes will never be happy until these warm emotions are observed. Look at the man who treats his wife with these true feelings and emotions and how Allah blesses his family and wife. He surely leads a happy and serene life, since whoever fears Allah, carries out His orders and lives in kindness with his wife, Allah rewards him by granting them a happy life and good companionship. The same thing applies to the woman who fears Allah and lives in kindness with her husband. They will only hear and see what makes them happy. Therefore, a Muslim should abide by the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet in fulfilling this great duty.
There is another very important point that we should consider, namely, the lack of reward for not reciprocating good companionship. In other words, it is very difficult for the husband to show affection, mercy and kindness to his wife while the wife in return shows misbehavior, harm, contempt or disobedience. Similarly, it is very difficult for the wife to show warm emotions, kind feelings and good manners to her husband, while he in return treats her with painful, harsh and hurtful sentiments that devastate her. So, what should Muslim spouses do?
Some scholars have said that the greatest and most perfect reward for good companionship takes place when the husband who observes good companionship with his wife is mistreated, or when the wife who observes good companionship with her husband is mistreated. This is the truest form of good companionship. One day, a man said, “O Messenger of Allah, I maintain kinship ties with my relatives, but they sever them; I give them, but they deprive me; and I pardon them, but they are rough to me.” The Prophet said: “If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes.” [Muslim] This means that the man was the winner as he had gained the reward. Allah who does not allow the reward of those who do good deeds to go astray.
Spouses who treat one another kindly are expecting a good reward and a happy end from Allah The Almighty. A husband should not wait for a reward from his wife; he should wait for that from Allah The Almighty. Every Muslim who wishes to possess good and perfect manners should not hope for reward from other people; rather, he should always be watchful of Allah and abide by His Laws, not to have his goodness or kindness rewarded with a similar attitude, but to gain appreciation from Allah who is above the seven heavens. He should do so in order to find his kind words, manners and good treatment written in the record of his good deeds on a Day when the contents of the graves will be scattered and that which is within the breasts exposed. If the man adopts good manners and proves to be a kind husband while his wife is evil and harms him, he should be patient. Perhaps Allah will compensate him with something better.
Talking about Zakariyya (Zachariah), may Allah exalt his mention, Allah Says (what means): {And amended for him his wife.} [Quran 21:90] Some scholars commented on this verse saying that when Allah tested Zakariyya, may Allah exalt his mention, by depriving him of offspring, he earnestly turned to Allah in supplication. Allah Says (what means): {[This is] a mention of the mercy of your Lord to His servant Zechariah. When he called to his Lord a private supplication. He said, “My Lord, indeed my bones have weakened, and my head has filled with white, and never have I been in my supplication to You, my Lord, unhappy. And indeed, I fear the successors after me, and my wife has been barren, so give me from Yourself an heir.”} [Quran 19:2-5]
Prophet Zakariyya, may Allah exalt his mention, supplicated to Allah at the age of one hundred and twenty without despair of His Mercy. He supplicated to Allah at the end of his life to grant him a child, and Allah fulfilled his need and more out of His Bounty. It always happens that when a person supplicates Allah with certainty in troubles and hardships, Allah answers his supplication and grants him even more than what he asked for. Thus, Allah says (what means): {And amended for him his wife.} [Quran 21:90] Allah granted him Yahya (John), may Allah exalt his mention, and amended his wife. Some scholars said that his wife would insult and harm him and that she was ill-mannered and harsh with him; yet, he, may Allah exalt his mention, remained patient with her until the end of his life. Accordingly, Allah compensated him by granting him a child and making his wife religiously observant who lived equitably with him.
Hence, if the man lives equitably with his wife and finds good in her, he should praise Allah The Almighty; otherwise, he should be patient, fully believing that Allah does not allow the reward of the person who does good deeds to go astray. This also applies to wives whose good companionship is returned with ill-treatment by their husbands. She should expect that Allah would compensate her for her patience and comfort her pains, and compensate her in her religion, life and the Hereafter.