Question:
Asalam Aleykum. I do hope my question will be answered before Ramadan. Firstly, what can someone do who has chronic illness and could not fast some of the previous saum for the past 10 years. The number of days is not known. Secondly, what can someone do if she is forced to live with a person who is a family member but is very envious, very argumentative, causes rift between family members and has no respect for the elders. Note am not married and I work to provide for that person and and the rest of the family. If I decide not to talk to her, will my siam be affected. Jazakallahu khair
Fatwa:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His Slave and Messenger.
A Muslim who suffers a chronic disease with which he cannot fast in Ramadan or make up for it thereafter, he has to feed one needy person for each day as clarified in Fatwa 113207. If he does not know the exact number of the missed days, let him estimate it and feed a number of needy people corresponding to the number of days that he predominantly thinks that he is acquitted from sin.
It is noticed that a person may observe fasting in Ramadan regularly (and break the fast for some valid reason), then he claims that he is not able to make up for the missed fasts and when another Ramadan comes he observes fasting in it, and still claims that he is not able to make up for the missed fasts. It is not permissible for this person to move from making up for the days he broke fast on to feeding, as his fasting during Ramadan is sufficient evidence that he is able to make up for the missed days. For further information, see Fatwa 90795.
As for the rest of your question, a Muslim is required by the Sharee‘ah to adopt good manners. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And speak to people good [words].}[Quran 2:83] The Prophet said: "…and deal with people in a proper conduct..." [Ahmad and At-Tirmithi] Therefore, we advise the questioner sister to be kind to her relatives and be patient with their harms even if they behave badly with her. Let her always remember the words of the Prophet : "The Muslim who associates with people and endures their harm is better than the one who keeps himself away from people and does not tolerate their harm." [Ahmad and At-Tirmithi (this is the wording of At-Tirmithi)]
There is no doubt that assisting your family financially despite their harms reflects your good manners, so have glad tidings of the reward from Allah The Almighty – Allah Willing. A man came to the Prophet and said: "O Messenger of Allah! I have relatives with whom I try to keep the ties of kinship but they sever relations with me; and whom I treat kindly but they treat me badly, I am gentle with them but they are rough to me.'' The Prophet replied, "If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes, and you will continue to be supported by Allah against them as long as you continue to do so.” [Muslim] Nevertheless, if you are sure that deserting that woman may help in rectifying her, there will be no harm in deserting her. It will be even preferable to do so. For further information, see Fataawa 86090 and 118474.
Allah Knows best.