Roughness is a dispraised attribute that implies bad manners. It causes disunity and estrangement among people and severs that which Allah The Almighty ordered to be maintained. Moreover, it has destroyed many households and separated many families. Many people who may love each other have nonetheless been afflicted with roughness and alienation due to harsh tempers, ill treatment and a lack of gentleness in tackling matters.
Roughness may be innate or acquired, and both are bad. A true believer immediately sets himself aright by avoiding the causes and forms of roughness. The Prophet said: “Whoever lives in the desert will become rough.” [Ahmad and At-Tirmithi] This means that if a person inhabits the desert, his nature will become coarse, as man adopts the characteristics of his environment. In other words, Westerners are rougher than Easterners, and the dwellers of deserts and herders of camels are rougher than others.
It was narrated on the authority of Ibn Mas‘ood that the Prophet said: ”[True] belief is over there [and he pointed with his hand towards Yemen], while roughness and harshness are the qualities of those who own a great number of camels and drive them [noisily] behind their tails [to the direction] where the two horns of Satan will appear [in the direction of] the tribes of Rabee‘ah and Mudhar.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
It was also narrated on the authority of Abu Bakr that the Prophet said: “Bashfulness is from faith, and faith leads to Paradise. Foulness is from roughness, and roughness leads to Hell.” [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Majah]
Everything has a share of its name
It is noticeable that there is an obvious relationship between things and their names, between man and the world around him, and between man and the nature of his profession. Pediatricians, for example, may differ from surgeons; the disposition of soldiers and troops may differ from that of others, although a person is not allowed to justify his roughness as a product of his nature, environment or work. It is said that people did not disobey Allah The Almighty except due to false justifications.
The Quran disparages roughness
There are many texts that dispraise and warn against roughness. Allah The Almighty Says (what means):
• {So by Mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you.} [Quran 3:159]
• {Then why, when Our punishment came to them, did they not humble themselves? But their hearts became hardened, and Satan made attractive to them that which they were doing.} [Quran 6:43]
• {So is one whose breast Allah has expanded to [accept] Islam and he is upon a light from his Lord [like one whose heart rejects it]? Then, woe to those whose hearts are hardened against the remembrance of Allah. Those are in manifest error.} [Quran 39:22]
• {Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient.} [Quran 57:16]
The sunnah forbids roughness
Like the Quran, the Sunnah of the Prophet forbade roughness. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Moosa Al-'Ash‘ari that the Prophet said: “Exalting Allah The Almighty involves showing honor to a grey-haired Muslim and to a person who memorizes the Quran without acting extravagantly or roughly, and by showing honor to a just ruler.” [Abu Daawood] In another Hadeeth which mentions the Hour, the Prophet said: “When the naked, barefooted and rough people become heads of people, this is a sign of the Hour.” [Ahmad, Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
It was also narrated on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah that the Prophet said: “The most hated person in the sight of Allah is the most quarrelsome person.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] The quarrelsome one is he who behaves wickedly when he quarrels.
Also, it was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet said: “Do not speak foul words, do not give your backs to one another [i.e., boycott or bear enmity towards one another], do not spy on one another, and do not override the sales transactions of one another, and be, O slaves of Allah, brothers.” [Muslim]
It was also narrated on the authority of Abu Ayyoob Al-Ansari that the Prophet said: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to desert his brother for more than three nights [where] when they meet, one turns away and the other turns away; and the best of the two is the one who greets the other first.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
What the Prophet forbade us from in this Hadeeth is certainly an aspect of roughness. Similarly, it was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet said: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to desert his brother for more than three nights; whoever deserts and then dies will enter Hell.” [Abu Dawood] Additionally, it was narrated on the authority of Abu Khirash As-Sulami that he heard the Prophet saying: “If a person deserts his brother for more than a year, this is considered as if he has shed his blood.” [Abu Dawood]
Finally, it was narrated on the authority of Sahl ibn Sa‘d that the Prophet said: “A believer harmonizes with people and they harmonize with him; and there is no good in a person who neither familiarizes nor is familiarized.” [Ahmad]
Allah The Almighty, the angels and mankind, in general, hate roughness and harshness. A believer, therefore, should avoid violence, harshness, frowning, recklessness, ill treatment, undutifulness to parents and ill thoughts. He should have gentleness, mercy, righteousness, compassion and forbearance. Purification of the soul precedes beautifying it.
A Muslim should strive hard to stay away from the causes and forms of violence. Allah The Almighty Says (what means):
• {He has succeeded who purifies it, And he has failed who instills it [with corruption]} [Quran 91:9-10]
• {And those who strive for Us - We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good.} [Quran 29:69]
A slave should resort to Allah The Almighty and supplicate to Him - perhaps Allah The Almighty will guide him to follow the example of the Prophet . The Prophet was the most gentle of all people; he was a smiling person and would maintain the ties of kinship, help the weak, support the destitute, serve guests generously and assist those afflicted with calamities. Allah The Almighty never fails a person who adopts such a behavior, as Khadeejah the mother of the believers stated.
Let us adopt the manners of the believers, for a believer is simple, accessible and easy. He submits to the truth, harmonizes with people and people harmonize with him. Conversely, there is no good in a person who is rough and harsh: a person who does not harmonize with people, nor do they harmonize with him.