In order to satisfy the child's need for love, compassion and security, you, dear mother, have to take the following steps:
1- Kissing: A kiss is a sign of the heart's mercy for the young child, and confirms the relationship of love between the old and the young. It is an established Sunnah (tradition) proven from our Messenger, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam:
It is narrated on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, that she said, "Some Bedouins came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and said (addressing the Companions), "Do you kiss your children?" He said: "Yes." They said, "But we, by Allah, never kiss them." On that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "What can I do for you if Allah has deprived you of mercy?" [Al-Albaani: Saheeh in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah]
It is further narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, that Al-Aqra‘ ibn Haabis saw the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, kissing Al-Husayn, may Allah be pleased with him, thereupon he said to him, "I have ten children, and I have never done this (i.e. kissed) with anyone of them." On that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to him: "The one who does not show mercy, receives no mercy." [Al-Albaani: Saheeh in Saheeh Sunan Abi Daawood]
2- Playing and coddling: That is the method of our Messenger, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, with children. He used to play and laugh with them.
In this respect, it is narrated on the authority of Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, that he said: The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to mix with us to the extent that he would say to a younger brother of mine: "O Abu ‘Umayr! What happened to the Nughayr (nightingale)?" He (my brother) had a little bird with which he used to play and then it died. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Undoubtedly, playing has a good impact on the child.
3- Presenting gifts: To be sure, gifts have a great effect on the soul, as confirmed by the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, in his statement: "Exchange gifts, perchance you would love one another." [Al-Albaani: Hasan in Saheeh Al-Jaami‘]
Those gifts may be attached to acts of worship as to maintain with care the prayer, fasting and others, to excellence in study, and to changing bad behavior like chaos and disorder in the children's room. This, therefore, helps the child fulfill his tasks swiftly and wholeheartedly.
4- Passing one’s hand over the head: That is the guidance of our Messenger, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. He used to pass his hand over the children's heads and cheeks while talking to them. It is a form of kindness, compassion, love and closeness.
5- Receiving children cheerfully, and asking about their affairs. The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to stand for his daughter Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, whenever she entered upon him, receive her with warmth, kiss her and make her sit in his place, except during his fatal illness in which he died: he received her with warmth and kissed her, but he did not stand for her. The mother has to take care of the affairs of her children, inquire about them, and about what they have done after their return from school, to make them feel that they are loved and cared for.
6- Assuming equal treatment between the children, regardless of whether they are boys or girls.
It is narrated on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, that she said, "A lady along with her two daughters came to me asking (for charity), but she found nothing with me except one date which I gave to her so she divided it between her two daughters, and did not eat anything herself, and then she got up and went away. Then, the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, came in and I informed him about this story. He said: “Whoever is put to trial by these daughters and he treats them generously (with benevolence) then these daughters will act as a shield for him from Hell-Fire." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
A Muslim mother then has to do justice between her children, and regard both boys and girls with the same eye of mercy, justice, care and compassion, as confirmed by the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam: "Fear Allah, and do justice between your children." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
7- Invoking good, not evil, upon them: A Muslim mother should not invoke evil upon her children, as commanded by our Messenger, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
It is narrated on the authority of Jaabir, may Allah be pleased with him, in his long Hadeeth that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "Do not invoke evil upon yourselves, nor upon your children nor upon your property, lest your invocation (of evil) may coincide with the time when Allah answers your invocation." [Saheeh Muslim]
By applying this program, dear Muslim mother, you would get the best results with your children. No doubt, the house whose roof is the father, and whose heart is the mother, and is filled with love, mercy, consciousness and faith, is worthy of producing a balanced self-confident Muslim individual.