By Islamweb
Raising children is a significant responsibility borne by parents. Allah has mandated this duty and called parents to it in the Quran, where He states: “O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.” [Quran 66:6] Protecting them from the Fire involves commanding and prohibiting them and nurturing them in a way that ensures their salvation from punishment.
Ibn Kathir’s Tafsir mentions that Adh-Dhahhak and Muqatil stated, “It is incumbent upon the Muslim to educate his family, including relatives, servants, and slaves, about what Allah has obligated and prohibited for them.” In Al-Qurtubi’s Tafsir, it is reported that Ali (may Allah be pleased with him), Qatadah, and Mujahid said, “Protect yourselves through your actions, and protect your families with your counsel.”
Al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) remarked, “A man must improve himself through obedience and guide his family as a shepherd tends his flock. Indeed, the authentic hadith from the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) states, ‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his subjects. The leader of people is a shepherd responsible for them. A man is a shepherd of his household and is responsible for them.’”
Meaning of Upbringing
Upbringing involves caring for, nurturing, and closely supervising the child step by step until he achieves the desired maturity. The educational process is a comprehensive, hierarchical endeavor that starts from the child’s birth—or even before—and continues until the child attains adulthood.
The educational process is an integrated effort requiring the collaboration of all sectors, bodies, and institutions within society, including the home, school, Ministry of Education, Ministry of Culture, Ministry of Information, Ministry of Sports, Ministry of Endowments, among others. The goals and objectives must be aligned, with all parties working together to produce the desired outcome with the expected characteristics.
Home is the Foundation
Despite the contributions of various societal institutions, the home plays the most crucial role in the educational process, as it is the primary environment where a child’s mind and thoughts start to develop. Hence, the role of parents in upbringing is fundamental and crucial, with the entire educational process hinging on their involvement. This is underscored by the Prophet’s statement, “Every child is born with the natural disposition (Fitrah, Islam); then his parents make him a Jew, a Christian, or a Magian.” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
Recognizing the profound influence of both father and mother, Islam emphasizes careful selection of a spouse. Men are advised to choose a wife not just for her wealth, lineage, or beauty, but primarily for her piety; the Prophet () said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, and for her religion. So marry the one who is religious and prosper.” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
The guardians of a woman are likewise reminded and instructed to select a righteous husband for her, one who embodies both faith and good character. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) stated, “If there comes to you one whose religion and character satisfy you, then marry [your daughter] to him. If you do not do so, there will be fitnah (temptation) and widespread corruption in the land.” [Recorded by At-Tirmidhi and graded as Hasan by Al-Albani]
Therefore, the criteria for choosing a spouse are based on religious piety and moral integrity, as these form the foundation of the educational process. Morality without faith leads to loss in the Hereafter. Conversely, faith without morality is not feasible in practice, as corrupt morals indicate either the corruption, falsity, or weakness of one’s religious beliefs.
Religion and morality are the cornerstones of a righteous household and the basis for proper upbringing. It is a divine principle that righteous households yield righteous offspring, a truth affirmed by the Quran and inherent in human nature. The Quran states: “And the good land—its vegetation emerges by permission of its Lord; but that which is bad—nothing emerges except sparsely...” [Quran 7:58] This concept is also ingrained in human nature, as demonstrated when the Children of Israel spoke to Mary upon the miraculous birth of Jesus, bestowed by Allah without a father. They said: “O Mary, you have certainly done a thing unprecedented. O sister of Aaron, your father was not a man of evil, nor was your mother unchaste.” [Quran 19:27-28] Their words implied that she came from a pure, pious family renowned for its piety, worship, and asceticism, questioning how such an event could arise from her.
Righteousness of Children through the Righteousness of Parents
The principle that the righteousness of the household leads to the righteousness of the offspring and the righteousness of the parents leads to the righteousness of the children holds for several reasons:
First: Righteous parents are committed to the spiritual and moral development of their children, obeying Allah and His Messenger, and seeking closeness to Allah. For them, upbringing is both a form of worship and devotion. Neglecting this duty signifies failure to fulfill the command of Allah. The more effort they invest in their children’s righteousness, the more their actions are revered as worship and jihad, beloved and accepted by Allah, who will reward them accordingly.
Second: Righteous parents recognize that their children represent their legacy, continuing their name and extending their deeds beyond their own lifetimes. They are seen as their progeny after ages have passed and their deeds and rewards after their actions have ceased, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “When the son of Adam dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, and a righteous child who prays for him.” [Muslim] Parents should endeavor to nurture such a righteous child.
Third: These parents will ensure their home is filled with means of guidance, such as the Holy Quran, beneficial books, inspiring material, purposeful stories, and gatherings of remembrance, etc.
Fourth: Protecting the home from sources of corruption and causes of detriment, such as prohibited forms of entertainment, time-wasting activities, and actions that negate virtuous deeds.
Fifth: Employing comprehensive methods of upbringing: This includes teaching children the fundamentals of Islam, instructing them in creed, refining their worship practices, encouraging Quran memorization, focusing on authentic hadiths, exploring the Prophetic biography, recounting stories of the Companions, educating them about Islamic history, fostering love for Allah and His Messenger, cultivating a passion for the faith and its followers, encouraging support for it, and making Allah, His Messenger, and His religion the most beloved to them, all while nurturing commendable morals and prudent behaviors.
Sixth: Consistent and vigilant supervision: Immediate intervention is required if signs of imbalance or deviations emerge. For instance, if a son adopts a hairstyle mimicking a sports player or a specific manner of dressing, walking, or speaking that imitates an actor or artist, and similarly, if a daughter emulates actresses, singers, famous models, or icons of secular culture, or follows non-believing, impious women, prompt correction is necessary.
Seventh: Carefully choosing role models and establishing clear criteria for who qualifies as a proper role model. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) should be our foremost example and the ultimate role model, followed by the noble Companions, the four Caliphs, the ten who received glad tidings of Paradise, the participants of Badr, the people of Aqabah, the adherents of the Pledge of Ridwan, the prominent Companions who succeeded them, the esteemed imams, the leaders of significant victories, and those with lofty aspirations and pure hearts. Role models should not be found among football players, actors, singers, dancers, or models. Instead, for girls, exemplary figures include the Mothers of the Believers, the female Companions, and those who followed their path and emulated their lives.
Eighth: Guarding against consumption of what is forbidden: A righteous father ensures that he never introduces even a single forbidden dirham into his home, be it from usury, oppressing a worker, bribery, unlawfully consuming others’ wealth, or any illicit means. He understands that the forbidden corrupts the mind, destroys the soul, and results only in tainted beings. It is said, “Every body nourished by ill-gotten gains is more deserving of the Fire.” Allah is Pure and accepts only what is pure, and Paradise is the abode of the pure; only those who are pure will enter it. Lawful earnings purify their possessors and bring blessings. Ismail Ibn Ibrahim, the father of Imam Al-Bukhari, declared, “By Allah, I do not recall ever bringing a single forbidden dirham or a dirham of doubtful origin to my family.” This profound piety gave rise to the Imam of the world, the jewel of Hadith scholars, the leader of meticulous memorizers, unmatched in his era, the author of the most authentic book after the Holy Quran, the esteemed Muhammad Ibn Ismail Ibn Ibrahim Al-Bukhari Al-Ju‘fi (may Allah be pleased with him and all the righteous imams).
Ninth: Parents serve as role models for their children. This is the most vital, beneficial, and effective method of upbringing. Children view their parents as the ultimate role models, the wellsprings of knowledge and wisdom, and the fountains of morality and behavior. Learning from and emulating them is instinctual and natural. For instance, if a child sees his parents praying, he will stand beside them and pray, even without grasping the full meaning of prayer. Similarly, if he sees them reading the Quran, he will fetch his own copy and sit beside them, mimicking their actions. He naturally imitates everything he observes in their movements, speech, and behavior. Their righteousness, ethics, devotions, and virtues are transmitted to him seamlessly.
Just as the virtues of parents can be transmitted to their children, so too can corruption, poor morals, and despicable actions and speech. The basis of emulation lies in actions, not words. No matter how much a parent might stray, his or her corruption, poor morals, and despicable deeds will also be transmitted to the children, even if he or she advises them to do good and avoid evil. Parents should be cautious not to contradict their own teachings, as Allah admonishes: “O you who have believed, why do you say what you do not do?” [Quran 61:2] and “Do you order righteousness of the people and forget yourselves…” [Quran 2:44] Commanding your child to pray while you yourself do not is futile. Similarly, warning him against smoking while you smoke will likely be ignored. A poet once said:
O teacher of others, first teach yourself;
Why preach to not do what you do yourself?
It is a deep disgrace to act this way,
To forbid a deed, then embrace it anyway.
Start with your own faults; strive to mend them fast.
Succeed, and then your greatness is vast.
Only then will your words truly resonate,
Your teachings inspire, your influence great.
Tenth: Allah’s protection for the children of the righteous. Allah rewards the righteous by safeguarding their children. If the parent abides by Allah’s commands and prohibitions, remains faithful to his religion, and steadfast in obedience, Allah will protect his religion, wealth, family, and children as a fitting reward.
The story of Musa and Khidr illustrates this principle when they repaired a wall that was about to collapse. The reason is stated in the Quran: “And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the city, and beneath it was a treasure for them, and their father had been righteous. So your Lord intended that they reach maturity and extract their treasure as a mercy from your Lord.” [Quran 18:82] Consider how Allah dispatched two of His greatest devotees to protect the wealth of two young orphans, all because their father was righteous and adhered to Allah’s commands. Thus, Allah protected his children in turn.
Umar Ibn Abdul Aziz remarked, “No believer passes away but that Allah preserves him as to his offspring and the offspring of his offspring.” Ibn Al-Munkadir noted, “Allah indeed preserves the children, grandchildren, and immediate family members around a righteous individual. They remain under Allah’s protection and shelter.”
Said Ibn Al-Musayyib told his son, “I will increase my prayers for your sake, hoping to be preserved through you.” Then he recited, “and their father had been righteous.”
How profound and complete is Allah’s declaration: “And let those [executors and guardians] fear [injustice] as if they [themselves] had left weak offspring behind and feared for them. So let them fear Allah and speak words of appropriate justice.” [Quran 4:9]
O Allah, reform us and our children and descendants, and make them a source of pleasure for us in this world and the Hereafter.