As Salam u Alaykum, I often get sudden backflashes and remember sins of the past.It is very painful and I hate the memory and then myself.I ask Allah to make me forget.The acts were 10 years ago and I repent everyday.I paid Kafara. What else can I do? How will I know Allah forgave me? How can I regain my self esteem again when I am always burdened with a negative self image? In case it was a Kabira(not murder).May I voluntarily ask for the hudud punishment even when Allah has in his mercy covered it?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

Dear sister, you should know that when a person regrets the sins he committed and feels sad for having committed them, and feels pain when he remembers them, then all these are evidences of sincere repentance. However, after repenting from these sins, one should not despair from the Mercy of Allaah and His Forgiveness. Allaah promised to accept the repentance of a person who sincerely repents, and indeed Allaah does fulfil His promise. Moreover, Allaah informed us of changing the sins of a person who sincerely repents into good deeds. Among His Names and Attributes are At-Tawwaab (The Facilitator and Acceptor of repentance), Al-Ghafoor (The Forgiving in abundance) and Ar-Raheem (The Especially Merciful). In addition to this, the Prophet informed us that a person who sincerely repents from sin is as if he had never sinned. Besides, Allaah is pleased when a person turns in repentance to Him. Therefore, you should be very careful not to despair of the Mercy of Allaah because despairing from the Mercy and Forgiveness of Allaah is a grave major sin. Allaah Says (what means): {“And who despairs of the mercy of his Lord except for those astray?”}[Quran 15:56] Allaah also Says (what means): {Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning] do not despair of the Mercy of Allaah. Indeed, Allaah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He Who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.}[Quran 39:53]

As regards asking for Hadd (i.e. the corporal punishment determined by the Islamic Law), then this is contrary to the order of the Prophet for a sinner to conceal his sin, as he ordered whoever has committed such sins to conceal them.

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 88108, 83145, 85288, 86970 and 86527.

Allaah Knows best.