Salaam, May Allah bless you for helpingI have been married for 13 yrs alhamdulillah n I hav 3 children . I have always suffered from unstable mood for which I hav sought medical help n I hav been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder I hav very conflicting relationship with my husband as I feel he doesn't understand my feelings he doesn't empathise with me although mashallah he is a good person I am very difficult to live with bcoZ I find it hard to process my thoughts n emotion in a proper way bcoZ of my disorder also I have been abused as a child n my parents were divorced while I was still a child all that has contributed to the person I am now n Allah knows hw much I try to control my anger n negative thoughts but I always fail May Allah help me I also hav impulses such as over spending which I know us very bad but I can't help it I want to know will I be held accountable for all this since I can't control it sometimes esp argument with my husband

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His Slave and Messenger.

Firstly, we implore Allaah to heal you of every ailment that causes you trouble, and to give you sound health and reward you generously. We advise you to be patient, as its outcome is good, Allaah permitting. Please refer to Fatwa 83577 on the virtues of patience.

You should also keenly turn to Allaah in sincere supplication. He is the One who has the power to relieve your burden, and it is He who answers the prayers of the distressed and relieves their hardships. He says (what means): {Is He [not best] who responds to the desperate one when he calls upon Him and removes evil and makes you inheritors of the earth? Is there a deity with Allaah? Little do you remember.} [Quran 27:62] You should also engage in the frequent remembrance of Allaah whenever possible. Allaah The Exalted says (what means): {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allaah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allaah hearts are assured."} [Quran 13:28]

You should consult specialized physicians. Hopefully, they can prescribe a medication to help calm you down and reduce and ease your anxiety. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 86999. You can also refer to Fatwa 86681 on the prophetic guidance on controlling anger.

You should know that you will be held accountable before Allaah for all your actions in a state of consciousness. However, you will not be held accountable for your actions in a state of unconsciousness as previously underlined in Fatwa 247126.

In any case, your husband should understand your situation, support you in this hardship and find excuses for you, as this is part of loyalty and good companionship.

Allaah Knows best.