Assalaamu alaykum, dear Scholars. I have a question: there is a popular saying that is attributed to ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab but for which I fail to find a source; it goes as follows: "A man should be like a child with his wife, but if she needs him, he should act like a man.” There is also another one which is attributed to ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab as well; it goes as follows: "A man should be like a child with his wife, happy and easy going, but when he sits with men, he should act as they do." My question regarding this is the following: what are the sources of these sayings, and in which books are the sayings found? Your assistance in the matter would be highly appreciated. May Allaah reward you.

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger. 

The statement in reference was narrated on the authority of ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, by a group of scholars, one of whom was the Maaliki Hadeeth scholar Ad-Deenawari (d. 333 AH). He wrote, "It was narrated on the authority of Ibraaheem ibn Daazeel, from Abu Huthayfah, from Ath-Thawri, from his father, from Ibraaheem At-Tameemi, that ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, may Allah be pleased with him, said, ‘A man should be like a child with his wife, but if he is needed, he acts like a man.’” [Al-Mujaalasah wa Jawaahir Al-‘Ilm]

This report was also attributed by Al-Muttaqi Al-Hindi in his book Kanz Al-‘Ummal to Ibn Abi Ad-Dunya. Other scholars cited it without a chain of narration, such as Al-Ghazaali in his book Ihya' ‘Uloom Ad-Deen and others.

Allah knows best.