How to deal with bad in-Laws
- Publish date:09/10/2017
- Section:Social Problems
I have two questions:
1. My sister-in-law (husband’s sister) treated me in a bad way and would yell at me and humiliate me in front of everyone. People used to ask me how she was with me. I only spoke the truth and said what she did to me, and I did not lie. I heard that it is okay to do that to get back at the oppressor. Is this true? I read a fatwa that says that this is not considered backbiting. Did I do something wrong? I never ever replied to her when she was hurting me; I just kept quiet, because Prophet Mohammed ordered to either speak good or remain quiet, and I choose to remain quiet.
2. My husband got in a fight with his mom and told her that they cannot go out without his permission because his father left him in charge as he is in a different state, and she and her daughter let my husband walk out the house and started blaming me that I was setting my husband up against his own mom. I swear by Allah, Who created the heavens and the earth, that I did not tell him to disrespect his mom, and he even told them with his own mouth when he was fighting with his mom. She was saying something like, “May Allah take those who oppressed me and set you against me.” He said, ‘If you mean to say that it is my wife, then know that my wife had nothing to do with this.” I have been treated badly, and when they started blaming me for everything, my husband said that I am innocent. I forgave them the first couple of times, but I cannot do so now. I have been asking Allah to make them suffer with the level of oppression which they have caused me. Please, advise me with what to do. They really hate me. They do not even talk with me, and I do not know what I did wrong, and may Allah reward you.
May Allah make it easy for you. According to what you wrote, you have been facing a difficult situation from the misconduct of your in-laws.
Dealing with people in life can be challenging at times. This is all from the qadar (destiny) of Allah. Allah is the Most Wise, and everything is done by a fixed measure for people to be tested on whether they are obedient to Allah in dealing with these situations or not. You do not have much control over others, but you are in charge of your own self, and on the Day of Judgment, you will come by yourself, and you will not be asked about others, but rather only about yourself. Therefore, it is important to have the proper knowledge and principles in life that make you focused on what is benefiting and leave what is harmful for you.
Here are some basic principles that you must have, and then the solution comes afterwards:
1- Allah created us to worship Him alone; therefore, we have one purpose in life, and everything serves this purpose, including your relationship with your in-laws.
2- We have no knowledge of how to live this life seeking the pleasure of Allah unless we learn that from the Quran and Sunnah from the scholars of the religion.
3- After coming to know what Allah wants from you, you should seek help from Allah and be patient in applying it.
Here is some advice based on the principles mentioned above:
1. If people are accusing you falsely, know that Allah is the Most Just; He will protect you as long as you stay honest and truthful.
2. Never return oppression and humiliation with oppression and humiliation; rather, answer with justice and righteousness.
3. Supplicating against the ones that humiliate you is permissible, but a higher level of goodness is to forgive and pardon.
4. You should be grateful to Allah that your husband defends you and is on your side. That should make you overlook others’ oppression of you since they have no authority on you.
5. Focus on your family and take care of your husband and children (if any), and do not get involved with your in-laws except in good manners and goodness.
6. Increase your worship of Allah, make sure you never miss any prayer, and stay away from sins. Increase your faith by doing acts of worship like praying, fasting, charity, and thikr (remembrance of Allah). The more your faith increases, the more you will be under the protection of Allah and it will make you focus on what is benefitting.
7. A higher level of goodness is to be kind to those who are oppressing you, so instead of supplicating against them, supplicate for them that Allah guide them and forgive their sins. The benefit of that is tremendous, the least of which is you get great reward from Allah and that He will protect you from all harm.
May Allah make it easy for you and change your situation to what is best.