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By Nasiha Ahmed
Few will dispute the blessings of motherhood. Those who are fortunate enough to actually spend some time at home with their children before returning to work will tell you that they loved witnessing the milestones - first smiles, first steps, first day of school. Those that did have to return to work at some point might share with you how much they enjoy coming home to a loving child who is ready to hug and kiss his Mommy as she picks him up from school.
It’s a good feeling to be wanted and missed. Being a mom is rewarding and can be fun and enjoyable. However, let’s be realistic. As one mom said to me recently “I’m about done with this whole ‘Mom’ thing.” She was referring to the job of being a stay-at-home mom. Now, why would she say such a thing, one might ask?
Well, some of you reading this will know exactly what she’s talking about. You may be nodding your heads in agreement as you think about the loads of laundry, the dishes in the sink, the treadmill with the clothes drying on it, the dry-cleaning that has to get picked up, and the hundreds of other things that you have to do this week. Others of you who are reading this may have no understanding of what this means. Allow me to clarify.
For many mothers, whether they are new moms or have been moms for a while, one thing is for sure. We are no longer our own priorities. Our children and our families become our top priorities. That means that before we put a morsel of food into our own mouths, we make sure that our children have food; that means that before we go out and buy ourselves those cute new leather boots, we make sure that our children have comfortable, non-slip shoes. We are not high on our priority totem pole anymore. And I know many moms who have had to choose between eating and showering when their youngest ones were napping or otherwise preoccupied. It is a tough decision and no one choice is the right one. The truth is that it’s all relative and dependant on what you need more on that particular day.
Regain your body
In our never-ending quest to put healthy tasty and budget-friendly food on the table, many women find that as their families grow, so do their own waistbands. As new moms spend most of their hours tending to their children, they have less and less time to dedicate to their own diet and exercise. This leads them to not only lose sight of their own well-being and health but sometimes actually contributes to their weight gain and bad health.
However, as a well-rounded Muslimah, it is our obligation to present ourselves in our best possible light to society around us and to our families. Furthermore, we should want to look and be our best. Unfortunately, however, some moms get into a sort of depression, a slump that overtakes them shortly after childbirth that they carry with them sometimes for years later. They have very little time to care for both themselves and their young children, so they begin to neglect themselves. Upon the birth of the baby, a mom’s own beauty and even cleanliness routine comes to an almost immediate halt. The key is to pick it up as soon as possible.
Usually, it’s the little things that count. You may not be able to sustain your entire schedule, but if there is something that is important to you, make it a priority and figure out a way to incorporate it into your new life. A friend of mine has four children and still manages to make time on a daily basis to go to the gym. Her husband is busy with work, he travels a lot, she has a hectic schedule, but her exercise schedule is important to her and she prioritizes to ensure that she gets her hour every day. This is the modification that she made to regain her body.
Other women who might have been mothers for years notice that after they’ve spent over half their lifetime caring for their brood, they have neglected their own bodies. Now, they are overweight and overlooked. Many of these women find themselves in situations that are foreign and unwelcome; they have spent so much time taking care of the rest of the family that they haven’t had the time to spend on themselves. Now that they have a minute to take stock of themselves, they might not like what they see. Unfortunately, in some situations, their husbands don't like what they see either. What to do in such a situation?
Unearth your spirit
For starters, don’t despair. As many 30, 40 and 50-something year old women see themselves growing older (and larger) day by day, some take their life by the reins and others let it control them. Taking control of our lives and our bodies requires a lot of self-control and will power; it would be wise to seize the reins and regain our body by unearthing our energy and our spirit. Once we make up our minds to lose weight, eat right, exercise regularly, lower our cholesterol, improver whatever it is that needs improvement, we can begin to make a difference in our appearance and in our mental and spiritual health, as well.
Some women have suffered much in the way of psychological trauma because of their bodies change in shape and appearance over the years. As they have put on weight, they have become distanced from their husbands even though the base put in increased time and energy into the family and household. When the time comes to take a break from tending to the day to day chores and errands (when the kids get older), the women realize that they are in a situation that leaves them ringing their hands, not knowing how to reconnect with their husbands, who find them ‘not the way they left them’. That means that women don’t look the way they did before they had kids, before they turned 40 or 50, before they hit menopause. (Of course, men don’t look the same either, but we all know standards are different for men than women - that would be a different article altogether!).
So, a woman seems to end up in a predicament. When she finally has the time for her husband again, he may not be interested in her. Before she can begin to make a dent in her physical fitness rejuvenation, she must rejuvenate her spirit. Without that mental and emotional spirit, no matter how much they try to better their bodies, they won’t feel better about themselves.
Rejuvenate spousal support
There is no better way to get your body in gear than with some support. Whether it is with a friend who goes to the gym with you or it’s a husband who encourages you to go to the gym, the extra pat on the hack spikes morale and confidence. Here are a few tips to encourage your spouse to get him to encourage you:
- Exercise regularly at home before you ask for a costly gym membership to show consistency’ and dedication.
- Walk or jog with the kids; use household objects as weights; get inexpensive DVDs.
- Cook healthy, tasty meals that the entire family can enjoy. Set a good example.
- Teach sour kids that exercise and healthy eating are essential; they will learn good habits and pass this on in the future.
- Get your family active. Take frequent evening and weekend walks with your spouse and/or kids. Make it a family affair. Think parks, camping, nature hikes, biking, anything but the mall. Exercise doesn't have to be boring or solitary.
In many cases, after seeing this commitment, our spouse might be more willing to encourage us to continue our good habits. Furthermore, his praise and compliments might be just what we need to give us that emotional charge.
And if for some reason you don’t get all the support and encouragement that you crave, remember that you are doing this for yourself first. It is our responsibility and right to care for our body. It is our duty’ to be clean, neat, and presentable - whether or not someone else is appreciating it. Allah always appreciates it and always notices it. Be good to yourself for the sake of Allah.
