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Seven-year-old Faaris spent an enjoyable week with his cousins -- the family of his uncle -- which consists of three boys whose ages range from six to twelve years. When Faaris' father came to take him home, he noticed that Faaris appeared a little more grown up and had acquired greater self-confidence. Faaris was quite eager to return home so that he could join his friends during the summer holidays. On the first night at home, his father stepped onto the balcony to ask Faaris, who was playing football with his friends in the street, to come back home. The father said, "It's time to come back; come on, it is time for dinner." Faaris, who was a docile and helpful child, shocked his father and the neighbors when he replied to his father saying, "No, Dad. I will not come back now. You can't force me to."
In the car
Husaam rode the car with his grandmother while going to the market, and on their way, he put his head out of the car window and started waving to young children and adults in great happiness and enjoyment. The grandmother noticed what Husaam was doing, and fearing for him she said, "Son, don't stick your head out of the window." The boy directly and unhesitatingly replied, "This is none of your business. I am free to do whatever I want." The grandmother scolded him and said, "Is this the way you reply and talk to your grandmother?" She wanted to beat him, but he turned his face away from her. She then said, "This is the last time I'm taking you anywhere with me."
The impolite child: An unexplained mystery
Our children often reply to us in a rude manner that we may have never experienced before. When we encounter this inappropriate behavior, which is completely unacceptable to anyone with a sound innate disposition, we get shocked and feel confused, and we do not know how to deal with it. Little wonder, since Islam strongly rejects this inappropriate behavior and severely warns against it. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Say not to them [so much as], "Uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.} [Quran 17:23] So, what should we do when our children say "Uff" and do not say polite words? Why do our children adopt this rude behavior, and what should we do to cure it?
Knowing the causes of the malady first
The question that crosses everyone's mind is: Why does the child behave in an inappropriate and rude manner? We will answer this difficult question, but before knowing the answer, we would like to review our conditions and renew our intention to cure it. Surely, diagnosing the causes of the malady is the first step towards prescribing the remedy.
Dear parent, or anyone who assumes the responsibility of the upbringing process:
The child usually does not utter these improper words or use this manner of talking unless there is a reason that irritates him. Thus, there are several motives that urge the child to behave in this way. They include:
1- His need for attention
The child's bad behavior may result from the desire to attract people's attention. That is because many parents neglect their children, not in terms of food, drink and clothes since the majority of parents take care of this aspect and dedicate all their time to it, but I mean intangible negligence. It is the kind of negligence in which the father does not ask after his child, or extend Salaam to him or follow his progress at school. It is the negligence in which the father does not sit with his child even for an hour to talk to him, discuss his affairs, seek his opinion, hear from him or know his ideas, hobbies and skills. This sort of negligence may be a reason for this rude behavior.
2- Desire for experimentation
The child may ask himself, "I wonder what would happen if I utter a bad word?" This is the question that echoes in the mind of your child when he thinks of uttering a bad word that he may have heard from his friend at school or his neighbor. The child at every stage of his life tries to explore everything new, so he wonders, "What will your reaction be when I say this word?"
3- Unsavory role models in the media
Children in films and comedy stars that are watched by family members on TV do not have good morals, contrary to what some people may think. In some children's programs, children do not treat their parents in a proper way and they utter foul words and raise their voices over their fathers. Undoubtedly, the child watches these models and learns from this uncensored source.
4- Unrealistic parental expectations
What reaction do you expect from young children if you ask them to go to bed early on their holidays? Do you think that these children will submit to you or obey you? It is certainly impossible. A time-tested proverb says: "If you wish to be obeyed always ask for what is attainable." It goes without saying that children will not obey their parents when they ask them to do the impossible or what is difficult to do.
5- The child's history of coddling
Coddling is definitely one of the main reasons for rude behavior. That is because the child is used to getting anything he wants after weeping. So, the child feels that he is entitled to everything, and this entitlement is an order that must be fulfilled.
The right way to deal with a rude child
Dear parent or anyone who assumes the responsibility of upbringing, here is a set of practical tips which help you deal with a rude child.
1- Be a good role model: It is not correct at all that you try to improve your child's conduct or correct his behavior, while you cannot keep yourself away from bad morals and foul language.
2- Do not take it personally: Exploding angrily in the face of your child will not correct his behavior. Rather, it constitutes another form of behavior that you definitely do not want your child to copy.
3- Do not scold him immediately; both of you need to calm down: If necessary, you can leave the room and return to it, and try to react quietly. A quiet reaction is more effective.
4- If you are not calm, wait until you become calm in order to deal with the situation properly.
5- Try to find the reasons that urged your child to behave in that way: Most probably it does not have any connection with you.
6- Identify the behavior he has done and explain to him that it is not acceptable.
7- Offer him alternatives, if possible.
8- If the behavior is repeated after admonishing him, you can deprive him of some privileges.
Finally, dear parent, or anyone who assumes the responsibility of the upbringing process, do not forget to supplicate for your child sincerely instead of supplicating against him. Supplicate Allah The Almighty to beautify him with the best noble morals and say Aameen (Amen) after this supplication as long as you live.
