as-salamu'aleikum, I have been married for 10 years and have three kids. Over the past few years, both I and my husband have changed a lot. I have become more religiously committed while he hasn't, but he has developed a very strong desire for marital relations. Unfortunately, we have a lot of disagreements in which my husband gets very angry and shouts and throws things around, and he often expresses his strong dislike of me. As a result, I am not at all attracted to my husband anymore. I suffered from a severe depression after the birth of my third child and because of the tension at home, I still haven't fully recovered. Moreover, I work full-time and do most of the housework while he doesn't have a job. I get up early to pray fajr and don't sleep much after that, but he sleeps until the morning. In the evening, i am simply tired and don't feel at all like having marital relationships. I know that i should give him more attention, but i feel reluctant. I dislike him. I feel I can't do it. PLEASE, give me advice on what to do.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

If your husband treats you in the manner you mentioned in the question, then this is contrary to the Commandment of Allaah to the husbands to treat their wives kindly. He mistreats you instead of thanking you for all the good that you are doing. Moreover, it is your husband who is obliged to spend on you and your children, and this is not an obligation on you.

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 89170 and 85308.

Therefore, we first advise you to supplicate Allaah to turn your husband into a righteous person. Then you may seek the help of righteous and pious people from his family and yours even if he is against this. They should explain to him his mistakes and urge him to fulfil his obligation towards you and his children. If he becomes righteous, then all perfect praise be to Allaah, but if he remains as he is, you have the right to ask for divorce. If he divorces you, all the best, but if he does not, then you may take the matter to an Islamic judge so that he will study your case and remove the harm off you by divorcing you from him or getting Khul' from him.

Finally, it should be noted that it is not permissible for the husband to take compensation for Khul' if he is the one who causes the harm.

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 86030 and 89039.

Allaah Knows best.