Assalamo Alikom,
I converted to islam 3 yrs ago, my family have not imbraced Islam. I became involved with a muslim man. He said he never wants to marry & have children, I said I did. He said for us to do a temporary nikka for awhile as he loved me. He said it is allowed, & later we can divorce & go our separate ways. I knew very little about Islam at the time so I agreed; may Allah forgive me. The nikka was done with witnesses over a long distance phone call. I'm not sure if an Imam was involved. I have come to understand that temporary marriage is frowned upon in Islam. I have encouraged my husband to marry me properly, getting parents permission and not hiding the marriage from people & both families. During this I have found out that he has nikka with another women in another country whom he visits once a year & financially supports her from far. I know that polagamy is allowed. I fear, by remaining with him, that I may make what is made halal by Allah haram by my weakness not to be able to cope with sharing him with another women. I am also concerned that my "temporary" nikka with him is void because the proper steps were never taken, & it is not encouraged to do a temporary marriage (may Allah forgive myself & him).
Please guide me in two questions:
1. Is our nikka valid?
2. Is it wrong for me to then perform a proper nikka and remain as his second wife when I feel I cannot emotionally & pychologically cope? I fear I may make what Allah has made halal for a man haram by being unhappy while in the marriage.
Jazzak Allah.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, we thank and praise Allaah Who guided you to Islam and we ask Him to make you firm and steadfast on His Religion until the Day you meet Him.

We advise you to seek beneficial knowledge, perform good deeds and befriend righteous and pious women, as these are the best things that help a Muslim woman remain steadfast on her religion.

We also ask him to enable you to call your family to Islam by being a good example to them and speaking to them in a gentle manner.

As regards your question, the temporary marriage is void and forbidden as we clarified in Fatwa 82221. Indeed, an Islamic marriage has to meet some conditions and pillars to be valid, among which is the presence (and consent) of the guardian because a marriage without the consent of the guardian is invalid. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 83629.

Therefore, your marriage to this man is void and you are obliged to separate from him until he conducts the Islamic marriage contract with you.

On the other hand, since the members of your family are not Muslims, then it is not permissible for any one of them to be a guardian for you because it is not valid for a non-Muslim to be a guardian of a Muslim woman. Rather, it is the Muslim judge who would conduct your marriage [marry you off] as the Prophet said: “The (Muslim) ruler is a guardian for whoever has no guardian.”

In case there is no Muslim judge, then a pious Muslim man should marry you off; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 88488.

Moreover, you should know that it is permissible for a woman to marry a man who already has another wife, and there is no doubt that jealousy is a Fitrah (natural disposition upon which Allaah created mankind) in a woman, however, this Fitrah should not exceed the limits of religion and incur the anger of Allaah. For more benefit on how to overcome this matter, please refer to Fataawa 90132 and 86818.

However, if you fear that jealousy will lead you to neglect the limits of Allaah with your husband, then you may seek Khul’ from him if he does not agree to divorce you without compensation. You may also refrain from marrying him if the marriage contract between you and him is not yet conducted in an Islamic manner.

Allaah Knows best.