I'm married for 10 years and have 4 kids. I work for my parents. Every month my salary is spent on fulfilling home requirments. i am left without a cent for myself. when i complain to husband that my salary is not enough to cover costs, he tells me to ask for a raise from my father. when i am ill, i have to beg him to take me to a doctor which he pospones for months. i like to have a nice house, but any requests to purchase anything for the house is rejected by him saying its too expensive or we dont need it. my likes and dislikes are not respected. my clothes are very limited. my father provids food for me, husband and my children. husband spends only little on us. his mother's, sister's whims and fancies are fulfilled immediately. even a small home repair like a broken tap has to be attended by me or my father. my parents live next door. husbands says he's too busy to attend to anything in the home, but if his family wants anything, he will travel even to the other side of the world and find it. with his money, inspite of knowing that i need something he will purchase things that he likes, like a digital camera, cellphone etc. he gives loans to his family and never asks. they think that i lead a comfortable life because i dont show to them the hardship.there is disharmony in the home because i feel frustrated. please reply listing down the husbands duties towards his wife and children, wheter he has any rights over his wife's salary and his obligations towards his wife over his obligations towards his sister who is married ( i dont dispute him looking after his mother). he is very religious but takes a backseat when it comes to responsibilities. i want him to read it.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His Slave and Messenger.

We have already clarified the spouses' rights and duties toward each other in Fataawa 85308 and 83157, so please refer to them.

It is obligatory upon the husband to spend on his children if they are poor and also sustain and take care of all of them. In fact, the woman's earnings are her own money and she is neither required to spend on herself nor on her children. Rather, the husband is required to spend on them all according to what is appropriate. A husband is not entitled to any part of his wife's wealth unless she gives it willingly.

However, customs as well as the husband's financial ability determine the amount of the obligatory maintenance (for the wife and her children). The husband is not responsible for supplementary needs such as adornments and the like. Likewise, according to the majority of scholars, he is not obliged to treat his wife. Though, it is good if he does, as this leads to a good marital relationship and brings affection and happiness to the marital life. For more details, refer to Fatwa 101312.

On the other hand, the husband's keenness on being dutiful to his family and doing good to them is a good and praise worthy matter. Nevertheless, it is impermissible for him to do so at the expense of his wife and children's rights.

Consequently, he is required to balance between their rights and give everyone his due right. Neglecting his wife and children's rights is a matter which involves a sin, as the Prophet said: "It is enough sin for a man to neglect those whom he provides for." [Muslim]

For more details, refer to Fatwa 90834.

Allaah Knows best.