Asselam weaelykum.I do have a relative who had been married for the past 10 years. She has an 8 years old girl. She had spent for seven years with her family with out nefeqa of here husband while he was leaving abroad. She was leading her life with her daughter by working herself. After his return from abroad, she started leaving with his family because he is jobless. Even at this circumstance, she was covering all expenses that are needed by her, her daughter except food which was covered by his family. During her stay with his family she was not getting good treatment from them. Besides, she gave him a lot of money in different occasions because she has a work. She has a health problem. She has high blood pressure and kidney problem. She has been covering all her medical expenses by herself. Now, she asked a divorce because she is totally devastated from this marriage. He accepted her request but asking his entire dowry i.e. gold back in return. But she is saying I owe him the nefeqa of seven years .How could I return his gold while I have raised his daughter working by myself. He did not do his responsibility to me, her daughter through out the whole marriage. She is saying it has to be taken into account all expenses I have covered needed for me and my daughter that is supposed to be covered by him. And also the money I gave him when he was a need of it. Simply she is saying how could he ask his right with out fulfilling his responsibility? So, what is the ruling of Islam on this case?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

We will summarize our answer to you in the following three points:

1-    Asking divorce: In principle, it is not permissible for a wife to ask her husband for divorce except if she has a sound reason. We have already issued Fatwa 88408 clarifying the cases when it is permissible for a wife to ask for divorce, so please refer to it. If a husband did not spend on his wife, and she did not find any money to take from him to spend on herself and on her children, then she should take her matter to a Muslim judge or whoever acts on his behalf to investigate her case and to order the husband to spend on her or to divorce her from him. Besides, a husband and his wife can be separated if the husband is not able to spend on his wife [and his children]. This is the opinion of the majority of the jurists with the exception of Imaam Abu Haneefah and his two companions [Muhammad Ibn Al-Hasan and Abu Yoosuf ].

Moreover, if a woman is harmed to a great extent by staying with her husband because of his mistreatment of her, she has the right to ask for divorce because of the harm.

2-    The Dowry: The dowry is the right of the wife, and she is not obligated to pay compensation for divorce – whether the dowry or anything else – if the harm is caused by the husband. Also, he is not permitted to take compensation unless she gives it willingly.

3-    A husband is obligated to spend on his wife unless the wife is disobedient. He is also obligated to spend on his children from her. If the wife had spent money on herself and her children with the intention of asking her husband to compensate her, then she may do so if she so wishes. However, if she had spent the money as an act of charity, then in this case, she is not allowed to ask him to reimburse her as we clarified in Fatwa 85012.

Finally, we advise you to try and reconcile the couple because settlement is best as Allaah informed us. If it is not possible to reconcile between them, then the matter should be taken to a Muslim judge or whoever may act on his behalf as he is more appropriate to look into the matter and put an end to it.

Allaah Knows best.