Assalamu alaikum, me and my husband live in european country and we dont have enough money to live in own house so we live at my parents house. my husband is studying this languge and helping my parents at them work. he is depressed, tired and sometimes angry about this situation and he complains much, but i cant do anything about it. I am diabetic and i study last year my occupation and i help my parents at them work too. i am also tired and i need to sleep much because of my diabetes. i am thinking a lot that i am bad wife to my husband as i am not able to help him more. my mother makes us food 1 time in day, and sometimes evening i make food for us, but mostly my husband have to eat only sandwich in evenings and every time he complains about it. i can not eat even sandwich because of my diabetes and it make me very sad when he complains about food. i have been like his assistant in this country, when i make appointments to him as he dont have language. it is not much, but i feel tired about it, and when i mention about that, he says "what you did for me?" The thing in this situation what is hard for me is that when he complains and is tired and angry (even he denies that he is angry) and i can not do anything. he also started to gamble. He blames me that we dont move out from here, but i feel it is not my fault because i know it would be more hard to live in our own house, as we would be depending of government support, and i afraid for my health. i would like to know what i can do in this situation because i am getting very tired.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

A separate house contributes to the stability of both spouses in general, so your husband should endeavor to achieve this even by renting a house as this may help solve the problem. Besides, providing a separate accommodation is an obligation upon the husband and not upon the wife as we clarified in Fatwa 84608. Therefore, if your husband blames you about this, then he is wrong and he is the one who should be blamed.

Also, it is permissible to get the government support even from a non-Muslim country especially if one is in need of it provided that this does not cause any harm to the person in his religion or his worldly matters.

With regard to helping your husband in making appointments to him because of him not speaking the language of the country, then this is a good thing and you should be patient on this. However, your husband should not overburden you in this regard. Our advice to the spouses is to base their relationship on mutual understanding and cooperation and not on disputes and blaming each other.

Moreover, your husband helping your parents in their work is considered as being grateful for their kindness and recompensing their goodness. ‘Abdullaah Ibn ‘Umar said: “The Prophet said: "If anyone does you a kindness recompense him.” [Abu Daawood]

This is in regard to your husband, as far as you are concerned, the fact that you help your parents is considered as being kind to them and this is a very confirmed duty.

Hence, we advise both you and your husband to continue this, and if any of you is not able to help, he should apologize in a nice and kind manner.

As regards you husband practicing gambling, please refer to Fatwa 122699.

Allaah Knows best.