hi ive been married for nearly 5yrs and now i feel completly misrable. Eversince my hubby has come to this country he has changed. We used to get into huge arguments that would lead to us being violant to eachother. I did love him but i slowly stopped beacuse of his behaviour and so i wouldnt hurt anymore mentally. His admiited his had 2 affairs where theyve hav just touched eachother but not had sex. And what hurts me most is that iam ill with cfs. And he dosent care. He treats me like iam overacting with my symptoms or even lying. He dosent see how much iam hurting and how much iam sacrfising with this illness, that dosent hav a cure. On top of that i exhaust my self trying to look after are 2yr old son. Now that i look back his never relly been there for me and my son during the bad times, when we relly needed him. I love my son and fear god so i want to do the best thing as a muslim. But cant see myself being in a relationship with him especially sexuall. Right now we live with eachother but we dont treat eachother like hubby and wife. There nolove, were not on the same page anymore. We tolerate eachother for the sake of our son and beacuse we both need eachother financeally. Another reason for me is beacause i can not look after my son on my own with my illness. Ive asked my parents for help they could not help me, now my mum turns a blind eye to his behaviour, so does my family, they ignore the fact the iam unhappy and ill? What should i do my hubby never takes me seriously when i try to tlk to him about these issues. I fear iam living in sin because his my hubby officaly and iam not treating him like one, eg not letting him touch me. I hav no repect for him now. Do u think i should get a divorce or sacrafice my happiness for the sake of my son and god.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

If what you mentioned in the question about your husband is true, then he is wrong by establishing an affectionate relationship with non-Mahram women as this is forbidden and an evil matter and it may lead to what is even worse like committing adultery with them. It is for this reason that Islam forbids establishing such a relationship as we clarified in Fatwa 81356.

Besides, acts of disobedience have its negative effects on marital life, among which is the change of the behavior and treatment of each spouse towards the other; Allaah Says (what means): {And whatever strikes you of disaster — it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much.}[Quran 42:30] Moreover, some scholars among the Salaf (pious predecessors) said: “I disobey Allaah and I indeed find the effect of that in the way may riding animal behaves and the way my wife treats me.”

Therefore, we first advise you to be patient with your husband and be keen on admonishing him about the sins and evil deeds that he commits, and you should clarify to him the seriousness of this on your family. In any case, you should avoid preventing him from his rights on you among which is answering his call to bed as there is a severe threat for a wife who refuses her husband's call to bed without a sound reason. We already clarified this in Fataawa 96046 and 88574. Also, we advise you to supplicate Allaah to guide your husband and turn him into a righteous man.

In fact, the existence of love between spouses is not a condition for the continuity of marital life, as there are other benefits which can make the marital life continue, among which is the benefit of the child and his good nurturing. Therefore, you should be keen on achieving reconciliation and rectifying your husband as much as possible. For more benefit, refer to Fatwa 90622.

In case your marital life has gotten worse and you hate your husband and you fear that this would lead you to fall short in fulfilling his rights on you, then it is permissible for you to ask for divorce even in return for compensation. However, you should not ask for divorce or Khul’ until you balance between the benefit of divorce and the benefit of staying with him and being patient with him.

As regards your disease, then we ask Allaah to cure you from it. If you are unable to serve and nurture your child due to your sickness, then it becomes an obligation on your husband to provide you with a maid. Ibn Qudaamah said: “If the wife cannot do household work because she belongs to a family of high status or she is sick, then it is an obligation to provide her with a maid: {…and live with them in kindness.}[Quran 4:19]; and among living with the wife in kindness is to provide her with a maid, and since she is always in need of a maid, then offering her a maid becomes like spending on her.”

Finally, your family is not obligated to support you in this regard, but if they do so, then this is good.