dear Sirs In the name of Allah, the most merciful and compassionate, It is now one year since i got married to a girl of my family, we had a spanish marriage contract (from the civil court) and without doing any celebration of the marriage we lived together her in Spain. My family opposed our living together without having done any fest and without giving her SADAK yet, but i did live with her without their knowledge and with the consent of her family. After a year of connivance she asked me for divorce with the encourage of her family, becouse they did not want such connivance without the consent of my family and becouse of other problems that occured between the two families, i did not want to divorce her but there was no way of making her desist from this idea. I should also point that i did not have any complet sexual intercourse (doukhul),as we wanted to leave it till we celebrate our marriage according to islamic rites. I have never done any thing wrong with her as i used to respect her,and i fulfilled all my obligations towards her such as maintenance, cloth, her studies, but she did not take into acount all this, only nthat there were some stupid problems between her family and mine. Now, in what things were i wrong? what is my responsiblity in all what happend? were my marriag correct according to Islam?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

There are some pillars for a marriage to be valid, and if they are met, the marriage contract is valid; for more benefit on the pillars of marriage, please refer to Fatwa 83629.

Among the pillars of marriage are the consent of the guardian and the presence of the witnesses. According to the view of the majority of the scholars it is an obligation to have witnesses to the marriage contract. Therefore, if your marriage contract with this woman was conducted with the consent of her guardian and the presence of two trustworthy witnesses, then she has become your wife. Not giving her the dowry does not affect the validity of the marriage contract. Also, making the marriage public is desirable and not an obligation.

Moreover, your wife is not permitted to ask for divorce without a sound reason, and it is not permissible for her family to incite her to ask for divorce because by doing so, they are spoiling her marital relationship with her husband. Also, it is not permissible for her to ask for divorce just because of the problems between the two families. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 88408.

However, if the custom requires delaying the consummation of the marriage, then you should take this into account and not cause any embarrassment to your wife or her family; it might be that it is the way you behaved that provoked them [i.e. not celebrating the wedding and not giving your wife her dowry]. Nonetheless, there is nothing in what you mentioned that proves that you wronged her or that you are responsible for what happened.

In any case, we advise you to try as much as possible to reconcile with your wife (and her family), and if divorce takes place, then the fact that you had a valid seclusion with her is like having consummated the marriage with her, in which case, the wife deserves the full dowry. In case you did not specify any dowry for her, then you should give her the dowry of the woman of the same social status like her. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 86187.

Finally, if you do not want divorce, you have the right to refuse to divorce her until she renounces her dowry or that she gives you whatever you both agree upon. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 89039.

Allaah Knows best.