After 21 years of marriage we have had major problems for the last 4 years. Basically I have discovered some reasons for our marriage taking place originally which are not nice, I am pretty sure people arranging the marriage thought about personal gain when it comes to overseas marriages etc and not thought too much about me, she has basically said she wants to arrange the marriage of our children and she will decide where and to whom. In October 2010 I said to my wife “From me you have Talaq, its over”. In December 2010 she forced herself on me and I did respond. In February 2011 I said “you have my second talaq”, she said “one is enough”. In March 2011 In the heat of the moment I said “You are not my wife” . In May 2011 “I said you have my third Talaq” and since that time we have been completely separate in different houses. In August I wrote “I divorce you” then signed it but next day I admitted to my children I did not mean it. Since January to August 2011 due to a lot of factors including lack of sleep and an illness I was not 100% mentally well, I was having obsessive jealous thoughts about someone else and I was obsessed with our problems ie going over them over and over again each day. For the first talaq I was of sound mind but depressed, For the later ones I was in extreme uncontrollable anger especially the one I had written down, I was shaking with anger and saying many things to my brothers, aunts, uncles etc. Since August 2011 I am of sound mind as I have made sure I sleep properly, I have got medical treatment and have distanced our problem from my mind, so I can make a decision about it in the long distance future. I am worried about my children so would be grateful for an answer. Are we islamically divorced? Can we get back together, she still wants to.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds.  I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

It is obvious from your question that you uttered the clear wording of divorce to your wife three times at three different occasions with the wording, ‘I have divorced you,’ The clear wording of divorce makes divorce take effect. Moreover, being in extreme anger when you uttered the second and third divorce does not prevent divorce from taking place unless you are in a state whereby you are not conscious of what you said as we clarified in Fatwa 125788.

Therefore, if you had uttered the word divorce while being conscious of what you said, then your wife has become irrevocably divorced from you and she is not lawful to you unless she marries another man who consummates the marriage with her and then he divorces her or dies.

We advise you to consult one of the Islamic centers in your country or that you ask orally the trustworthy scholars so that you explain to them what happened and they will ask you about the matters which need to be asked.

Finally, the following matters should be mentioned:

1- Your statement ‘I divorce you’ in the present simple is a promise of divorce and it does not lead to divorce unless you intended it.

2 - Your statements, ‘It’s over’ and, ‘You are not my wife’ are among the metaphors of divorce and they do not lead to divorce except with intention as clarified in Fatwas 90531 and 90416.

Also, writing the word divorce is among the metaphors of divorce; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 89894.

3- The marital life is seldom free from problems but both spouses should be wise in solving them and they should work towards reconciliation and the stability of the family, especially if the husband and wife have been married for a long time and they have children. 

Allaah Knows best.