i am experiencing problems in my married life. my marriage was an arrange marriage n my husband too agreed at that time. now he treats me badly at many places. i am an educated lady, i do job n give my whole salary to him but i want to earn respect in response too. he has a lot of illusions about my character, though i belong to an educated and noble family. since my elder sister had a love marriage outside the cast, he raised up this issue in the beginning 4 yrs of my marriage and tortured me psychologically by saying a lot of bad things about my dead mother, and the rest of my family members. i went through a real tough time though at the time of marriage it was all known to him n his family. now my younger sister is also getting married out of the cast. my husband is a a follower of cast system n is against love marriages. he doubts my purity though i have 2 boys n v r married for the past 4 yrs. moreover, financially he spends less on me n my sons, though now i m giving my whole salaray to him, later i take what i need. but he makes issues and extends them. i find these issue altogether irrelated to our marriage. i gave everything i had which was given to me as a dowry. he got my car's money too. now he wants my gold,which is the only aid i have for my tough times. i have placed my gold at my sister and he makes issues that he want that gold to be kept in a joint locker. i disagree as i gave everything which was mercilessly spent on his brother n mother wish. i m living in a country where i can't even step out of my house without him. i have no relations and people to meet besides the workplace which is a school. i m taking good care of home and kids, i take them to the best school. but still he is after my family. he wants me to leave my family altogether n b hers in all the ways like any animal.moreover v do not sleep together, v have seperate places as he says that he is disturbed by the kids. v do not talk at all, not even a single word as he blames me too

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, it should be noted that mutual understanding and respect should prevail between the spouses and they should both be keen on the stability of the family. Indeed, this can be achieved by both spouses knowing the rights of each other and endeavoring to fulfill these rights. For more benefit on the rights of the spouses towards each other, please refer to Fataawa 85308and 83157.

On the other hand, there is no doubt that a love relationship between a man and a woman before marriage in the manner that is prevalent nowadays is impermissible and evil. So, if your husband objects to this kind of love, then he is right.

However, if he is accusing you about your chastity without evidence, then he is Islamically not permitted to do so. Nonetheless, you should endeavor to stay away from places of suspicion, as this is better in order to safeguard your religion and honor. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 87877and 92038.

Finally, we would like to bring your attention to the following matters:

1- It is a sin for a man and a misconduct on his part to insult an innocent person, this is even worse if one insults the mother of his wife who is still alive, let alone if she is dead. Insulting the dead is Islamically forbidden; ‘Aa’ishah narrated that the Prophet said: "Do not insult (or abuse) the dead as they have indeed gone to what they have done.” [Ahmad and Al-Bukhari]

2- The family of the wife has rights upon her which she is obliged to fulfill and her husband has rights upon her which she is obliged to fulfill, so she is required to give each one his rights.

3- It is not permissible for the spouses to desert each other without a sound reason. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 86090and 84976.

Allaah Knows best.