Salaam. My husband has been seeing other women on and off since we married 10 years ago. In 2011, he met a girl while he was abroad and decided he wants to marry her. His family are not supporting him in this matter as they would prefer him to settle in his home with me and our children. He has not married her yet but talks to her on the phone daily. He constantly compares me to her, tells me I am nothing compared to her. He tells me he does not love me and does not care for me but he does for her. I have said he can marry her if he wishes but I will not stay with him as if he cannot do justice between his wife and his girlfriend, how will he do justice when he has two wives? He does not talk to me, we do not share a bed (his choice, I have begged him several times) and we live as two lodgers in the same house. He tells me I am a disobedient wife and I will burn in hell as he will never forgive me (he wanted to send my daughter abroad for a year and I refused). He also tells me I am forcing him to commit zina and I will get the gunaah for this. For 10 years, I have hidden his mistakes and even his family do not know how involved he has been with other women. Please advise me what to do? Can I request a divorce on the grounds of cruelty? If I request a divorce from him, will I suffer in hell eternally (astaghfirullah). I do not wish to seperate from him but I cannot cope with the mental toture from him any longer. Jazakhallah.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

If the case is as you mentioned, then your husband oppresses you and does not have good marital relationship with you. As long as he behaves this way toward you, you have the right to seek divorce from him and you will not be sinful for that.

However, we advise you to exert your utmost effort in advising your husband, seeking to rectify him and help him repent and be righteous. If he becomes straight and treats you with kindness, then this what is required. There is no objection that he takes a second wife provided that he is just in treating both of you.

But if advice turns out to be to no avail, and he continues to have illicit relationships with women and neglects your rights and treats you badly, then you should balance between the harm of divorce and that of staying with him in this state and choose the lesser of the two harms.

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 88304, 81356 and 81469.

Allaah Knows best.