I'm a muslim woman, married to a muslim man. I've been the main provider, protector and maintainer of our family. I had to work because my husband wanted to do his own business and he said he couldn't provide for us because his business wasn't making enough money. This situation has continued for 20 years of our marriage. I had to do all the cooking, cleaning, teaching of islam and backyard maintenance. I also had to pay for all of our living expenses and most of the mortgage of our house. My husband never pays for our living expenses and when he does have money he puts it towards the house mortgage. I've paid 90% of our house mortgage and he's paid 10%. I see my husband socialising, watching TV, talking on the phone to friends or searching on the internet. When I discuss this matter with my husband he says he's doing his best, but has remained unchanged for 20 years. My husband is also bad-tempered and this has caused me to doubt Islam and is now causing my children to dislike Islam. My husband slaps my children on the face and verbally abuses them. I want my children to love Islam and see the goodness of Islam but his actions constantly prove to my children that Islam is a religion of violence. My husband prays every day, but when I say how prophet Muhammad (PBUH) lived his life he says this is only for people who are searching for perfection and he won't change his ways. I've tried to persuade my husband to show better character but without success. As a result, I've decided to divorce my husband because his bad-temper is preventing my children from seeing the goodness of Islam. I want them to be good muslims and love Islam. If I've been forced to pay all the living expenses throughout our marriage and 90% of our house, what rights do I have over this property in a divorce? Furthermore, my husband has real estate in another country which he purchased with his money because he didn't pay for any of our living expenses. Do I have any rights over this property?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

May Allaah reward you well for advising your husband and for being keen to raise your children as good Muslims. We ask Allaah The Almighty to reform your husband for you and to make your children grow up adhering to the methodology and beliefs of Islam. We advise you to keep supplicating Allaah The Almighty for your husband and children so that they become the comfort of your eyes.

It is appropriate to begin with the most dangerous thing stated in your question which is your statement 'and this has caused me to doubt Islam and is now causing my children to dislike Islam'. In this way, you judge Islam according to the conduct of your husband. The right thing is to judge the conduct of people according to the principles and rulings of the great religion of Islam that called for every virtue and noble manner and forbade every immorality and bad moral character. Did the Companions  abandon Islam and hate it due to the mistakes of some of those who belonged to it, given that there were even hypocrites amongst them such as ‘Abdullaah ibn Ubayy ibn Salool? Indeed, there is no blame on you and your children to hate the conduct of your husband, but hating Islam because of the conduct of that father is indeed a dangerous matter for it may lead to Kufr (disbelief). Allaah The Almighty says (what means): {That is because they disliked what Allaah revealed, so He rendered worthless their deeds.}[Quran 9:47]

Dear sister, we advise you to adopt the proper way in the light of what we have mentioned and bring up your children on that, along with telling them that they have to be dutiful and kind to their father no matter how bad his conduct is. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 127523 and 87019.

If what you have mentioned regarding your husband is true, then he is wrongful in several ways:

Firstly, neglecting spending on his wife and children while it was proved that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “It is enough sin for a man not to provide for his dependents.” [Abu Daawood] So, the wife is entitled to take back what she has spent on her children if she did not do that voluntarily as we have explained in Fatwa 85012. Thus, the wife is not obliged to work to spend on the house except if she does that willingly.

Secondly, harshness and bad treatment specially with his children like slapping them on the face and verbally abusing them while he is religiously required to be a good example for them and educate them. Allaah The Almighty says (what means): {O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allaah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.}[Quran 66:6] Ibn 'Abbaas said: "It means educate them and discipline them."

We have to mention here that it was proved that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "…and do not hit the face, nor say ugly words to her." [Abu Daawood] Abu Daawood said after it: "Saying ugly words to her is to say: "May Allaah make you ugly." For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 82800.

On the other hand, it is not permissible for the woman to ask her husband for divorce except if there is a legitimate excuse. We have previously clarified the excuses for which a wife can ask for divorce in Fatwa 131953. If your husband does not spend on you, then refer the matter to an Islamic judge to oblige him to spend on you or divorce you if you opt for divorce.

We would like to mention here that divorce may not be the solution in all cases. Therefore, you have to be patient before seeking it as we have pointed out in Fatwa 87289.

As for the rights of the wife after divorce, we have explained them in Fatwa 86603, so you may refer to it. The maintenance of the wife is not waived in any case and thus she is entitled to take it back from the husband. Also, she can take back what she has spent on her children if she did not do that voluntarily as we have previously stated. The same applies to paying off the loan of the house, i.e. she can take it back from her husband if she did not do that voluntarily.

As for the real estate, if it is for the husband, then the wife has nothing to do with it. The fact that he had bought it at the time when the wife was spending on the house does not mean that she has a share in it.

Allaah Knows best.