Her husband refuses to let her take the children to visit her family Fatwa No: 210094
- Fatwa Date:10-6-2013
Is it permissible for my husband to stop my children from seeing my family. He has had disputes with them in the past and is always full of resentment for them. He only lets me take my youngest two children and not my two eldest because he thinks that they will somehow poison their minds against him. I can confirm that this is not the case and that I would never let it happen. I did ring a sharia council to ask them and they said that he couldn't stop them unless they or their deen was being harmed in any way ;they also said I should come and see them with my husband but he has refused. I feel upset and depressed all the time because of this and I feel isolated. I took all of my children with me once but it was not easy he kept trying to stop my children by telling them Allah would punish them and there was a lot of crying and screaming and shouting. I am reluctant to do this again because of the upsetting scenes caused and so too are my eldest children. We did manage to enjoy our time at my mothers house although I initially was very upset because my husband kept threatening to come and collect my children. Because of this and other deep family issues he has said that he will move abroad and live there mostly but still carry on supporting me and the children. With this in mind he said that I could take my children to visit when he will not be there but again recently he said after some arguments that if my children met my family while he is abroad he would abandon us all. I think these are perhaps empty threats but it is still upsetting. My sister recently had a baby and I wanted to take all my children to see her but he says only the younger two can go. All I want is for my children to be able to meet extended family members and live normally. His side of the family except for his mother all live abroad. I have told him that regardless of what he does I will take my children with me if he is abroad. Can I go against him? So confused.
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. If you had asked the trustworthy scholars in your country and they issued a Fatwa to you that your husband has no right to prevent you from taking your children with you when you visit your family, then it is permissible for you to act according to this Fatwa which they issued to you and you are not obliged to obey your husband in this matter.
However, you should consider the consequences of disobeying your husband in this matter; if this leads to much harm, then you should not do so. So, be patient and do your best to reach a mutual understanding with your husband and to convince him to accept that your children visit your family. Clarify to him that part of having good marital relations with the wife is having a good relationship with her family as we clarified in Fataawa 116206 and 88304.
Righteous and rational people should endeavor to reconcile between your husband and your family as this may put a permanent end to the problem. The Sharee’ah has urged us to reconcile and clarified the virtues of reconciliation. Allaah says (what means): {No good is there in much of their private conversation, except for those who enjoin charity or that which is right or conciliation between people. And whoever does that seeking means to the approval of Allaah — then We are going to give him a great reward.}[Quran 4:114]
Besides, Abu Ad-Dardaa’ narrated that the Prophet said: “Shall I inform you about what is better than the degree of fasting, praying and giving charity? They (the Companions) said: “Yes, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said: "Reconciliation between people, for discord between people is the shaver (the destroyer, i.e. it destroys religion).” [Abu Daawood]
Allaah Knows best.