I have now been married for 11 years and have three children. My wife always used to be an exemplary religious woman when I was with her and I do not know how she acted while I was away. I never felt that she loved me, but she was very good at acting. By chance I discovered her infidelity, and she could not deny it or even defend herself. She is now divorced and I am leading a miserable life. What should I do for my children who are suffering like me?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

If there have been considerable and factual indications of your wife's infidelity, you should make sure of those indications. One is not permitted to overlook his wife's behavior when he finds something suspicious about her. However, if it is exaggerated jealousy or thinking ill of her, then it is something Allaah The Almighty and the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, forbade. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other.} [Quran 49:12]

Jaabir ibn ‘Ateek narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “There is jealousy which Allaah loves and jealousy which Allaah hates. That which Allaah loves is jealousy regarding a matter of doubt, and that which Allaah hates is jealousy regarding something which is not doubtful.” [Ahmad, An-Nasaa’i and Abu Daawood]

Al-Bukhari entitled one of the chapters of his Saheeh, in the Book of marriage, as (chapter on one should not return to his house at night after a long time away from it lest he should charge them with infidelity or find out their faults). Then he narrated on the authority of Jaabir ibn ‘Abdullaah that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “When anyone of you is away from his house for a long time, he should not return to his wife at night, that he might not doubt her or seek her faults.”

Commenting on the Hadeeth (narration), Ibn Hajar said, “This Hadeeth urges not to do anything that results in thinking ill of a Muslim.”

Our advice to our brother is to consider the situation and ward off any evil doubts or any whispers of Satan that would destroy his family unless he makes sure that his wife has committed infidelity. He should also know that his wife's inability to defend herself doses not necessarily mean that she has actually done it. Rather, she may be embarrassed or unable to express herself. In a Hadeeth, the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Some of you may be more eloquent and persuasive in presenting their argument than others.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

If your choice is nothing else but to divorce her, then she in principle is to be given custody of the children as long as they are still young and she does not remarry.

Allaah Knows best.