As salaam aleikum My friend has a problem with her husband and wonder what to do. They have been married 12 years and have three children. When they married she was warned that he wasn't good but she didn't believe it. After her first child got born she started to notice that he used drugs. He is still using. Then she discovered all his girlfriends. She told him to take more wives but he doesn't want to as he wants to only have fun. He was hitting her etc a long period but now it's been a while since he some years now spend almost all his time outside. He has more houses and only come home once a month or so. When he comes he stay maybe a night, but not with her but with his brothers that also live in the building. She is practicing Muslim and has from the beginning telling him that he has to pray and give up this life. But nothing changes. All the time she just get to know about more and more things that he is doing haram as his girlfriends are contacting her and he is not denying anything of it either. Also he is spending all his money on them, she has to sell her gold to manage sometimes as it takes time for him to come home with money. She think that Allah is angry from her because she is still staying with him. But she doesn't know what to do. If she leaves she will loose her children, and she doesn't trust his family to raise them since they aren't practicing Muslims. She also then has to move to her parents who are very poor. She is now 40 and cannot manage to find a new husband either. What is the correct thing to do for her according to Islam?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and messenger.

If this man is actually as you have described him, then he is quite an evil person as he is committing a wide range of grave sins, the gravest of which is abandoning prayer, in addition to his failure to fulfill the rights of his wife and children. ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Amr ibn Al-‘Aas reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects those he is responsible to maintain.” [Ahmad and Abu Daawood]

Please refer to Fataawa 86618, 88304 and 85012.

We advise you to supplicate Allaah to guide him to that which is best for him and bless him with guidance and repentance. The wife is also advised to seek the mediation of respected people whose advice is most likely to be accepted by him. For further information, please refer to Fataawa 120659 and 136875.

If he turns back to Allaah in repentance, this is good and praise be to Allaah for that. However, if he does not repent from such misdeeds, his wife is entitled to demand divorce. In fact, seeking divorce would be better in this case as there is no good in remaining married to such a man. Please refer to Fatwa 131953 on the legitimate reasons for seeking divorce.

In case of divorce, the custody of the children is granted to the mother as long as she is not married. The mother’s right to custody is lost when she remarries, and it transfers to the one who has most right to that after her, which is the mother’s mother. For more details, kindly refer to Fatwa 84618.

It should be highlighted that the father is obliged to provide for his children even if they are in the custody of the mother.

However, if she chooses to adhere to patience and remain married to that man, she may do so. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 85044.

We would like to point out that the Muslim should make a deliberate decision when choosing the spouse-to-be. Istikhaarah (guidance-seeking prayer) and consultation are required. Indeed, he who resorts to Istikhaarah and consultation will succeed, Allaah willing.

Allaah Knows best.