Assalaamu alaykum. I have been married for ten years and have two boys with my husband. I found out after we got married that he is a drug addict and has a daughter. He has committed adultery and the woman did a paternity test which confirmed that she had his child. There are now other women who claim to also have his child, but I do not know if that is true. We have been separated for three years now, but we never got a divorce. In this time, he went for rehabilitation and has been clean from drugs since. He has come to me to ask me to return back to him and has asked me to forgive him. His parents have also asked me to return as he is a better person, they say. My family is against this idea and continue to relate harsh comments and stories about him to me of which I do not know whether they are true. They have also told me that if I do return to him they will not take care of my children anymore as they are the daycare givers for my kids while I am at work. Who's family is right, mine or his? Can I still ask for a khul' now that he has repented? Am I committing a sin by staying away from him for so long? I find it difficult to trust him, and it bothers me that he has children with other women. What would be the right thing for me to do? I am confused about the matter because the families are in dispute about the matter. I have prayed istikhaarah (the prayer of consultation) but still feel confused. (May Allah forgive me if I am blinded from his guidance.)

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

It the matter is as you mentioned in the question, that your husband has repented from taking drugs, and you have no sound reason for asking for a divorce or a khul’, then you have no right to refrain from returning to him, and your parents have no right to prevent you from doing so. He is your husband, and you are still married to him, and it is an obligation on you to obey him in what is permissible.

Your parents have no right to prevent you from going back to him, and they are wrong in doing so. So we advise you to seek the help of rational people to convince them to agree. If they are convinced, then this is what is required, otherwise, you are obliged to return even if they disagree. Please refer to fataawa 92629 and 84351.

If your family refuse to take care of your two children, then you may look for a trustworthy nursery, and the like, to take care of them.

The spouses should not be separated for such a long time; Allaah says (what means): {Then, either keep [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment.} [Quran 2:229]

Also, if the wife goes out of the marital home without her husband's permission and she refuses to return, then if she has no sound reason for doing so, she is sinful. The mere fact that her husband is a drug addict, and the like, is not a sound reason for refusing to return unless she fears to be harmed by him.

Finally, it should be pointed out that the illegitimate child is not traced back to the adulterer even if the latter is willing to trace him back to himself. This is the most preponderant opinion. For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 84788.

However, some scholars hold the view that if the adulterer traces back the child born out of zina (adultery) to himself, then he is traced back to him.

In any case, this is not a reason that would prevent you from going back to your husband as long as he repented and turned to his Lord.

Allaah knows best.