I have been married for six years; during this time, I divorced her twice, but we reconciled. Three months ago, she left the country to meet her parents, and we kept in touch via the internet. We had an argument a month ago and have not been talking since. Then something happened, and I got very angry and sent her a message that I will divorce her (meaning in the future). I love her and just wanted to scare her to make her realize her fault, but that started another argument. She knows that I will not divorce her because I love her, but in the argument I typed, "i give u divorce, i give u divorce, i give u divorce." [sic] It was very late at night, almost morning, around 3-4 am; I was sleepy, tired, depressed and angry, but I did not sleep all night so I cannot say that I said it while asleep. I was depressed as we had not talked for a month and I suspected her to be cheating on me (she did not; I found out later). Now my problem is that I have been depressed ever since then and cannot even tell myself for sure whether I intended what I said or was merely scaring her. I cannot remember what I was going through in my mind because there was a lot going on in my head; it was a mess. In any case, I do not want to make a wrong decision. Even when I was pronouncing the divorce, I did not want to leave her. In my head, I was thinking, 'She thinks I will not divorce her, so I will type it. Then she will realize her fault, and if it comes to the worst, we can do tahleel. (At the time, I did not know that consummation of the marriage is a must for tahleel, I thought that she just would have to marry and get divorced from someone). This is what is bothering me: I know that I did not want to leave her; I just wanted to scare her, but if tahleel came to my mind it can mean that I did intend to divorce her. Like I said, I am confused as so many scenarios were going through my head. One more thing, at the time I did not know that typing divorce just to scare her does not count. So I typed it to make her realize her fault; however, immediately after sending the message, I started thinking (from what I heard) that divorce is effective no matter what the reason was. I hope you can give me a fatwa.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, writing the words of divorce is a only a metaphor for divorce (i.e., it is not a real divorce); so divorce does not take effect by writing it unless it is accompanied by the husband's intention, even if the written formula is an explicit formula of divorce. Please, refer to fatwa 89894.

Secondly, your statement, "I will divorce you," is a promise of divorce and divorce does not take effect by it. Shaykhul-Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah wrote, "The promise of divorce does not result in divorce, even if the words of divorce are many, and it is neither obligatory nor recommended to fulfill this promise."

Thirdly, when you said to your wife, "I give you divorce," in the present tense, then know that divorce does not take effect unless the husband intended to issue divorce at that moment, when uttering such words. Please refer to fatwa 269398. If you doubt your intention, then your marriage is still intact. Scholars advised that divorce does not take effect in case of doubt. Ibn Qudaamah wrote:

"If the husband doubts whether he divorced or not, then the basic principle is that divorce does not take effect. The marriage contract is certain, and the divorce in this case is doubtful; hence, based on the principle that certainty is not removed by doubt, the divorce does not take effect. In brief, whoever doubts divorcing his wife should know that divorce does not take effect, as stated by Imaam Ahmad . This view is also adopted by the Shaafiʻis and Hanafis, because the marriage contract is certain, and the divorce in this case is uncertain; and certainty is not removed by doubt." [Al-Mughni]

We would like to point out three important matters in this regard:

Firstly, we would like to emphasize the seriousness of haste to issue divorce for the least of reasons. Islam assigned a great deal of importance to the marriage bond; Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?} [Quran 4:21] Therefore, one should not hasten to break this solemn covenant. Instead, he is enjoined to preserve the marital bond to the best of his abilities and seek solutions for the marital problems that may arise by other lawful means.

Secondly, you should avoid divorcing to the best of your abilities since you have already issued two divorces and have only one pronouncement of divorce left (after which your wife would be declared unlawful to you until she marries another man). You should know that tahleel marriage is invalid and prohibited in Islam; it is forbidden for the woman to marry a muhallil (with the sole intention of divorcing him afterwards in order to be able to marry her ex-husband) according to the preponderant view of the majority of scholars. Please, refer to fataawa 134069 and 270496.

Thirdly, the basic principle is that the wife's honor is preserved and respected against any false claims; it is impermissible to think ill of her or accuse her of anything undermining her reputation without valid proof. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {O you who have believed, avoid much (negative) assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin...} [Quran 49:12]

Allaah knows best.