Assalaamu alaykum. I need to seek advice for my marriage. I have been married for ten years with two boys aged seven and eight. My husband has been committing adultery for the last six years with different women. They are all non-Muslim. He always lies about his affairs and never admits it till I discover it. He never repented as he is still with the woman that he has been with since 2013. He was fine when we married, but he does go to bars, drinks aĺcohol, gambles, etc. He also hits me when we have arguments at times and uses bad words to scold me. He does not like my family due to some incidents that happened previously. He dislikes my parents and siblings a lot, but I have always been very close to them ever since I was young. My husband feels that I do not respect him and give him importance. I do not know why but he sees it so. I do my part as a wife, caring and doing all the housework although I do work long hours. He does not appreciate things that I do for him and the family. When I asked him why he repeatedly has affairs with many women, he says that I do not make him happy. He has made plans to visit the woman in her country. I wanted to separate after finding out that he still has not stopped. Now he tells me that he will only leave her if I severe ties with all my family as he feels that they are a nuisance. I have talked to him several times but failed to convince him. My parents are old, and I do not want to severe the ties of kinship. Could I get some advice? I know that women are advised to be patient, but in such a case, is that what I should do?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

If your husband is truly as you described in the question, then he is committing a multitude of grave sins and evil deeds. It is odd that he justifies his affairs with your inability to make him happy! In fact, even if it is true that you do not make him happy, then this would not justify his committing such a sin. This is a lame justification and may be a form of self-deception.

It is impermissible for you to obey your husband when he commands you to sever the ties of kinship with your family; there is no obedience to a creature in what constitutes disobedience to the Creator. ʻAli narrated that the Prophet said, "There is no obedience in matters involving disobedience to Allaah. Obedience is only in that which is good." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

It is odd that he makes this a condition for him to stop his affairs with women. Instead, he should strive in mending his relations with your family since they are his in-laws and the family of his children. It is part of good morals to maintain good relations with one's in-laws following the example of the Prophet in this regard. Verily, he was the best role model for all Muslims; Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allaah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allaah and the Last Day and (who) remembers Allaah often.} [Quran 33:21]

Being patient with a husband like yours is important, and so is supplicating Allaah for him; this might be a cause for rectifying his affairs. Allaah commands us to supplicate Him, and He promised to answer our supplications. Therefore, you should supplicate Allaah frequently in his favor. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And your Lord says, "Call upon Me; I will respond to you." Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell (rendered) contemptible.} [Quran 40:60]

You should also continue to give him advice in a wise and gentle manner and revive the fear of Allaah in his heart; hopefully, he would repent to Allaah of such sins. If he repents and refrains from committing such sins, then all praise be to Allaah, but if he persistently continues to sin, then divorcing from a husband like him is recommended unless this would harm you more than staying with him. The Hanbali jurist Al-Buhooti said, "If the husband neglects any of the rights of Allaah, then it is recommended for the wife – just as it is recommended for the husband in a similar situation – to ask for divorce or khulʻ (divorce at the instance of the wife in return for a compensation payable by her) for his neglect of the rights of Allaah."

If he agreed to divorce you or accepted khulʻ, then all is well; otherwise, you may refer your case to the concerned authority responsible for the settlement of Muslims' disputes, such as Islamic committees.

Allaah knows best.