Assalaamu alaykum. I am a 40-year-old woman. I got married 10 years ago. My husband wanted and this marriage and consented to it, but I became sick, so he does not like me anymore. He started an affair with another woman soon after our baby was born. Later, after 3-4 years of having an affair, he got married to that woman. He has a baby with that woman as well. Now he lives with me in this country and the second wife is back home. The problem is that he hates me now, though I care for him a lot, for his every single wish. He abuses me with words and has tried physically abusing me too, but I defended myself. We do not have any physical relationship as he does not want that. He masturbates but does not sleep with me. I get frustrated, cry, and pray to Allaah but till now with no use. He says bad words to me all the time. He talks to his second wife on the phone all the time. He does not give me and my daughter any importance. He says that he will leave me soon and call his second wife here. He started drinking beer too, though I asked him lots of times not to drink, but he never listens. He blames me for everything ever since I got sick. I asked him so many times to sleep with me; infact, I need it, but he says that I am sick and do not need it. Would he be sinful or me for not sleeping with me? I really want to do so but he does not. Can you help me and tell me what to do? May Allaah reward you.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

The scholars stated that having intercourse with one’s wife is among her rights upon her husband, that this is one of her confirmed rights, and that her need for it is greater than her need for food and drink. Please refer to fataawa 119794 and 195895.

Hence, if your husband refuses to have sexual intercourse with you without having a sound reason, then he is sinful.

A woman's disease does not necessarily mean that she is not in need of having sexual intercourse. Your husband has no right to prevent you from your right.

Also, it is the right of a wife that her husband has good marital relations with her, as Allaah ordered him to do so in the Quran. Please refer to fataawa 86618 and 88304.

You mentioned that your husband does many things that are inconsistent with this right, such as being abusive with you with words, trying to beat you, and threatening you with divorce and with marrying another woman. If he does not love you, then that does not mean that he is allowed to offend you or divorce you, as homes are not only built on love, as ‘Umar said. Please, refer to fatwa 86796.

It is enough that Allaah blessed you with your daughter. With the presence of the children, the relationship between the spouses should be strengthened, and both should avoid what could be a reason for disputes.

Your daughter has the right upon her father to sponsor her, take care of her, and help you in nurturing her, as these are among the common rights between the spouses.

The most important thing that we advise you to do is to supplicate as much as possible, as the hearts are between the hands of Allaah, and He turns them as He pleases.

Also, try to reach mutual understanding with him in a gentle manner, and if there is someone whom you think could influence him and who could help you in this, then seek his help.

Finally, it should be noted that masturbation is forbidden. It is even more heinous and evil if it is done by a married man who leaves his wife and satisfies his desire in this forbidden way; this is a kind of being ungrateful of the bounties of Allaah.

It should also be noted that beer that contains alcohol is forbidden because it is a type of wine (alcoholic drink). The Prophet said, "Allaah has cursed wine, its drinker, its server, its seller, its buyer, its presser, the one who demands it to be pressed, its carrier, the one to whom it is carried, and the one who consumes its price.” [Abu Daawood and Al-Haakim]

Allaah knows best.