Assalaamu alaykum, and may Allaah reward you. My question is the followin: should I obey my husband or divorce him? We have had many good years together, but it is getting difficult to be obedient without denying other rights. He is the one who, by the Will of Allaah, guided me to Islam 23 years ago, which is my greatest treasure in this life. He does not pray, as he considers that he has protection from Allaah for his whole life. He does order our seven children to pray. He has cancer and hepatitis C and suffered a hepatic coma with temporary brain dysfunction and schizophrenic type behavior last month. Now he appears almost normal, and only Allaah knows. His demands on us are so strict that we do things behind his back, like taking this phone. He does not let us befriend anyone, not even his own family. He left with six kids last month because he thinks that I did magic on him. He threatens me with divorce as my daughters (19 and 21years old) refuse to work in our family bakery. They advise me to divorce him before the younger children (8 and 12 years old) are harmed psychologically due to the work pressure. They work eight or more hours a day without any days off, even during the school term. I suffer from ignoring the childrens' needs, like regular meals and sleep. We became closer last year when I decided to ignore everything and give him all my attention. He became kinder with me, but nothing else changed. He loves me when he is sure of my undivided attention and is upset by my giving importance even to our own children. I hate to aid the devil in breaking up yet another family. I have always preferred patience, and I am thankful for the good years before he left the prayer or started the bakery. Nevertheless, we are incurring sins by staying together under these conditions, and he does not allow me to see four of our children. I think he does not divorce me as the kids might not work then. He has rented a bigger flat and threatens to take the furniture. According to him it is either that or we can go with him if the girls work and I return to the faith. I have no work and am not allowed out. Wassalaam.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, we congratulate you upon the blessing of Allaah on you in embracing Islam, and we ask Allaah to make us and you firm with the word of truth [La Ilaaha Illa Allaah] in this worldly life and in the Hereafter. We hope that Allaah will rectify your husband and guide him to the Straight Path.

Abandoning the prayer is one of the grave, major sins. It is enough to show its seriousness that some scholars considered a person who abandons the prayer as a disbeliever, even if he had abandoned it out of laziness. For more benefit in this regard, please refer to fatwa 88932.

You should be keen on supplicating Allaah to guide him, and you should advise him in a wise manner and with good admonishing and seek the help of some righteous people to advise him if necessary. For benefit on some important guidelines on how to admonish a husband who is negligent in his religion, please refer to fataawa 90489 and 50623.

It is very strange that your husband is in that state of sickness, yet does not repent and return to Allaah. It is believed that a person in his condition would be primarily concerned in preparing for death by performing acts of obedience and righteous deeds. Also, if someone wants to raise his children on goodness, he should be a role model for them so that his advice would yield fruit; otherwise, he could be a reason for causing temptation to some of them.

As far as you are concerned, you are obliged to obey him in what is permissible, among which is moving to live with him in the other house if there is no acceptable excuse to refuse. He has no right to prevent you from getting a phone or contacting his family or other people (relatives) unless he has a sound reason, such as refusing what would lead to corruption.

On the other hand, asking him to divorce you is permissible because the dissoluteness of the husband is among the sound reasons for asking for divorce.

However, you should not hasten to seek divorce; rather, be patient and keep trying to rectify him. If this is achieved, Praise be to Allaah; otherwise, it is better to separate from him. Al-Buhooti from the Hanbali School of jurisprudence, said, "If a husband abandons the right of Allaah on him, the same applies to the wife (i.e. she may endeavor to separate from him); then  it is desirable for her to seek a Khul’ (divorce requested by the wife in return of the bridal gift) from him due to him abandoning the rights of Allaah on him."

In conclusion, we would like to point out to the following matters:

1- Obedience to the parents is obligatory; if they ask their children to help them at work, then they must obey them; however, if this causes harm to the children, then they are not obliged to obey them. For more benefit on the limits of obedience to parents, please refer to fataawa 84942 and 131695. However, they should endeavor to please their father and avoid his evil as much as possible.

2- We advise you to show attention for your husband apart from anyone else, by being wise on the subject of his jealousy regarding you being concerned about your children, and explain to him that being concerned about the children is part of your responsibility according to sharee'ah and customs, and that this is in his best interest.

Allaah knows best.