Assalaamu alaykum, dear Brother or Sister. I am new on this website, and I hope that you can help me with my situation. I applogize for my bad English and mistakes in writing. I am a married women and have a daughter from a previous marriage. The man whom I married is already married and has four kids. I knew this before marrying him; at that time, he had three teenagers. He made it clear that he was not happy with his first wife and that he wanted to leave her. I fel in love with him and we got married, but we both married in secret, without our families, only some of our good friends and their family witnessed it. We did this because our families did not want this; they were against it and still remain so. The both of us did not want a haram relationship. I knew that it was wrong to not concern myself with my family, but I was madly in love with him, and he promised me that he would come to my parents and explain the situation to them. My husband and I do not live with each other; I live in Europe while he lives in the Middle East. Shortly after our marriage, he went back to his first wife, and after returning, I came to know that she was expecting her fourth child. This came as a shock to me. I still accepted everything and have been waiting three years now for him to come and live with me. However, he is stuck in financial issues, has a travel ban, and has been having a drinking problem for three years. I am crying and am suffering from depression and anxiety. I have no contact with family or friends, and I am running out of patience. I do not want to end this relationship, but his behaviour and bad habits make me consider it. He asks for forgiveness every time, and then after a couple of days, he starts drinking and clubbing, and Allaah knows what else, again! His phone is switched off. I have been struggling for the past three years to end this long-distance husband-wife relationship. I am really tired of everything, and it all feels like a punishment. I know that I have to make the desicion, but it is so difficult for me! Please help me. I am in a lot of stress. Please supplicate for me!

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger. 

We ask Allah, The Exalted, to facilitate your affairs, relieve your distress, ease your hardship, and bless you with safety from all life's trials and tribulations. Be patient and remember Allah as much as you can; verily, the remembrance of Allah yields abundant goodness, such as peace of mind, tranquility of the heart, and relief of worry. Allah, The Exalted, says (what means): {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.} [Quran 13:28]

We have previously explained the conditions for the validity of a marriage contract in fatwa 83629. One of the most important conditions is the consent of the bride's Wali (legal guardian), and this condition is missing in your marriage contract. It is impermissible for you to give yourself in marriage without a Wali. Hence, this marriage is Faasid (defective) and must be terminated either by a marriage annulment or a divorce. Please, refer to fatwa 92478. You should seek to terminate this marriage given the illegitimacy of this relationship. Moreover, given that, as you mentioned, your husband is not pleasing in his religiosity and does not care for his wife's rights, you should not feel sorry for leaving him.

We advise you to resort to your Lord and implore Him to bless you with a good husband; verily, Allah, The Exalted, is All-Generous, and He accepts the supplications of those who call on Him. Allah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad) concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me (by obedience) and believe in Me that they may be (rightly) guided.} [Quran 2:186]

There are three points that should be highlighted in this regard:

Firstly, if the woman's Wali unjustly prevents her from marrying a suitable suitor without a valid reason, then she is entitled to refer her case to the Muslim Judge in the Sharia court or whoever acts in his stead to investigate the matter. If the Wali's injustice is verified, the judge can be her Wali in marriage or order the next in line among her male relatives to act as her Wali.

Secondly, the legal effects of a valid marriage contract, one of which is attributing the children born from this marriage to the husband, apply to a defective marriage contract if the marriage has been consummated.

Thirdly, not all calamities that befall the Muslim are necessarily punishments for his sins; they may be trials by means of which Allah, The Exalted, would grant him great rewards for his patience and his hoping for the rewards of his Lord. For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 83577.

Allah knows best.