Assalaamu alaykum. Is it okay for a woman to only fully respect her husband and not be kind (even to the extent of being arrogant) towards others such as her in-laws, children, siblings, and other people? I am aware that a woman, in order for her to qualify to enter Paradise, must respect her husband wholeheartedly, but if other people find her unpleasing and she upsets them, would that be okay too? Thank you.

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger. 

The Muslim is required to be kind and decent with all people, and the obligation is emphasized with the people with whom he has a special relationship, like his relatives and in-laws and the like. Abu Tharr, may Allah be pleased with him, reported, “The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to me, 'Fear Allah wherever you are; do good deeds after bad deeds, and the former will wipe out the latter; and be nice to people.” [At-Tirmithi - Al-Albaani graded it hasan (good)] The Muslim woman is enjoined to be nice and kind to her husband, in-laws, family, and children.

It is a good thing that the woman lives with her husband in kindness, obeys him in what pleases Allah, and avoids disobedience. All this will yield good rewards for her. Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, “If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadan), preserves her private parts (from illegitimate relations), and obeys her husband, she will enter from any of the gates of Paradise she wishes.” [Ibn Hibaan and At-Tabaraani - Al-Albaani graded it hasan]

However, it is not acceptable that she behaves badly with other people; this evil attitude may harm her. Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that a man went to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and said, “O Messenger of Allah, So-and-so (a woman) – and he spoke of how much she prayed and fasted and gave charity – but she hurts her neighbors with her (sharp) tongue.” He said, “She will be in the fire of Hell.” He said, “O Messenger of Allah, So-and-so (another woman) – and he spoke of how little she fasted and gave charity and prayed (i.e. she only did her obligations in terms of praying and fasting), yet she gave charity with big pieces of Aqit (yoghurt or cheese) and never harmed her neighbors with her tongue.” He (the Prophet ) said, “She will be in Paradise.” [Ahmad - Al-Arnaa’oot classified its chain of narration as hasan]

Moreover, people would avoid her to spare themselves her evil. ‘Aa'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated that the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, “O ‘Aa'ishah, the one who will have the worst position in the eyes of Allah on the Day of Resurrection will be the one whom people stayed away from for fear of his bad morals.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] Thus, she would lose her worldly life and her afterlife.

Allah knows best.