I have been maried for 14 years. My wife cannot satisfy me in the bed. Everything I want is ok in Islam, like normal sex and oral sex. She does not like oral sex. She does not want to pleasure me while she has her period. She does not want to be naked with me alone in the bedroom. She does not like to spoon in bed. She comes with excuses. She does not want to wear sexy clothes while she is alone with me in the bedroom. My sex drive is bigger than hers. Her excuses are that she is tired, that she needs to go to work, that the kids could come (the door is closed and locked). Are you able to help me and tell me what to do? Regards.

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

In general, the wife is Islamically obliged to obey her husband in what is permissible in matters related to marriage and sexual intimacy; please refer to fatwa 177077.

Therefore, your wife is obliged to obey you in the matters relating to the bed that you mentioned, with the exception of some points which we are going to clarify to you. If she refuses to obey you without a valid excuse or health reason, then she is Naashiz (recalcitrant). Allah, the Most Wise, clarified the treatment for a recalcitrant wife; we have already clarified this treatment in fatwa 85402. Some of the excuses she is giving you are not valid under the Shariah.

Your wife is not obliged to obey you regarding oral sex, and you have no right to force her to do it; we have already highlighted this in fatwa 87423.

Also, she is not obliged to obey you if enjoying her during menstruation is in a forbidden manner, but if you enjoy her in a permissible manner, then she is obliged to obey you. For details, please refer to fatwa 85928.

Finally, we recommend that both of you should have an understanding and that each one of you fulfills the right of the other so as not to give a chance to the devil to spoil the affectionate relationship between you.

Allah knows best.