Assalaamu alaykum, Scholar. As a little kid, I commited homosexual acts, but I do not remember how many times I did it. I know that it started at the age of seven, more or less, but I stopped after that. I started again a couple of months later. When I turned 14, I stopped in januray, but I forgot when I started; I think it was when I was almost. I stopped and I did not even know that it was a sin. Later, when I went on the internet to check on it, it said that it was a sin of corruption. Scholar, not to use bad language, but everytime I see a women, I get an erection. I also watch porn, of which I know that it is a sin. I would love to have a wife and kids. I want to live a life in which I was destined to have what Allah has planned for me in this world and the Hereafter. Let me tell you, I do not want to commit that sin again. I would rather eat pork for one year than to commit it again; how dirty and corrupted that is! When I was 13-14, when I started and then when I stopped, it was as if satan wanted me to commit the sin again, but I stayed strong and did not do it. No matter what satan says, I will deny all of what satan says to try to trick me to do it again. I am 24 now. I want to settle down and have kids so that I may live my life and never remember the past. I am sexually attracted to women. I do not know what that means, but I love women and would love to have one right. I know a girl that is my friend. I want to ask her out, from my heart and from my mind. I would do anything for her; I would sell my house just to live with her. I would die for her. I love her so badly. It is as if we were made for each other, and I want to be with her for me. I would do anything for her; that is how much I love her. We are good friends; we hang out, laugh, and do everything teens do. However, I want to know whether what I have done makes me a homosexual or not. I know that I am straight given that I love this girl, am attracted to girls, and would love to get married and have kids.

All perfect praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

You did well when you stopped committing that sin (homosexual acts), so may Allah reward you and enable you to do good. You have to turn this into a sincere repentance to Allah, meaning a repentance that fulfills the conditions of a sincere repentance, which are highlighted in fatwa 86527.

You must also hasten to repent from watching pornography, as this is one of the major means of temptation. Checking whether this act is or is not homosexuality is of no benefit.

A man being attracted to women and wanting to have a wife and children is an instinctive feeling. In any case, if this girl is righteous in general and she observes the religious obligations and avoids major sins, then you may ask her for marriage.

Ibn ‘Abbaas narrated that the Prophet said, “The best solution for those who love each other is to marry.” [Ibn Maajah]

If this is made easy, then praise be to Allah, otherwise, you should look for another woman to marry and cut your relationship with her, as she is a non-Mahram (marriageable) to you.

For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 84544 about the treatment for infatuation.

Allah knows best.