Assalaamu alaykum. Recently, I have been struggling in my religion because I have heard a brother in a masjid say that to humiliate yourself to others you completely love is major Shikr (polytheism). I have struggled with this because I have not found any scholar talk about this and I also think tha tit would be minor Shirk at most. I also have seen that Shirk is split into three categories and that this is not in one of them. I have also heard the story of Abu Dharr, may Allah be pleased with him, wherein he called Bilaal, may Allah be pleased with him, the son of a black woman and then begged him on the floor for forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah; how could we accuse this Companion of Shirk? I have also heard shaykh Salih Al-Fawzaan say that his books hold no weight and being humble about himself. This has left me confused and I need clarity. May Allah reward you.

All perfect praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. 

There is no need for this struggle. What you quoted from the brother in the masjid is not true. Humiliating oneself to the loved ones has nothing to do with major Shirk. Rather, some of it is permissible and is even recommended, if it is with the meaning of humbleness and lowering one’s wing to the believers.

Allah described those whom He loves and who love Him as (what means): {…humble toward the believers, powerful against the disbelievers.} [Quran 5:54]

Allah also ordered the child to humble himself to his parents; Allah says (what means): {And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy.} [Quran 17:24]

Allah also ordered his Prophet to humble himself to the believers, as Allah says (what means): {And lower your wing to those who follow you of the believers.} [Quran 26:215]

An example of such humility is the story you mentioned about Abu Tharr and Bilaal, may Allah be pleased with both of them.

Ibn Al-Qayyim mentioned this story in Madaarij As-Saalikeen, as he said, "It was narrated that Abu Tharr, may Allah be pleased with him, taunted Bilaal, may Allah be pleased with him, for being a black man, then he regretted what he said, so he threw himself on the ground and said, 'I will not raise my head until Bilaal steps on my cheek with his foot. And he did not raise his head until Bilaal did that.'"

What we mean is to say that what you called humiliating oneself for the loved ones is not Shirk at all; rather, if one does that in its proper context, then it is among the Islamic virtues and etiquettes.

As for what the scholars mentioned among the types of major Shirk, it is the Shirk of love (Shirk Al-Mahabbah), which means dedicating the love that one must have for Allah to other than Him; as one does not love anyone for his own self and essence except Allah. So whoever loves someone other than Allah in the same manner in which he loves Allah, a love of humiliation and submissiveness and glorification, and thus favored obedience to that person over obedience to Allah has thus made him an equal to Allah, and this is Shirk – we seek refuge in Allah from that.

The book Usool Al-Eemaan fee Dhaw’ Al-Kitaab wa As-Sunnah, authored by a select group of scholars, reads, "The love that pertains to worship and that necessitates glorification, exaltation, humiliation, and submissiveness should only be dedicated to Allah, the One, Who has no partners, and whenever a slave dedicates this love to other than Allah, then he has indeed committed major Shirk."

Finally, dear sister, we perceive from this question that you suffer from Waswaas (obsessive whispers) about the subject of Kufr (disbelief) and Shirk. If this is the case, then we advise you, first of all, to fear Allah and then to not get carried away with these whispers and not exaggerate about issues that you might not understand, because such matters do not constitute a struggle in your religion. You should not give matters more weight than what they deserve.

Allah knows best.