I suffer from frigidity (sexual coldness) and psychological disorders and I'm in treatment with a psychiatrist because of obsessive doubts. I also suffer from asthma. I have been married for three years. For fear of causing harm to my wife, I sometimes think about divorcing her. One day, I said to her: “Divorce is the only solution to our problem.” In the evening, I repeated these words and said to her: “Let us leave each other,” but I do not remember whether my intention at that time was to give her the choice or to divorce her. She refused divorce. I asked one of the Shaykhs without explaining well to him what I had said; thereupon he gave the judgment that divorce had taken place. I went home and said to her “You are divorced,” just with the intention of notifying her, given that at that time I was in a state of Ighlaaq (means everything that prevents perception, will and consciousness). My question is: has divorce really taken place? It is noteworthy that I take medication for nervous disorders, and my wife does not want separation, and she is satisfied to live with me. Earlier, we discussed this matter, in an attempt to convince her that divorce is the only solution, and once I said to her: “I will take you to the house of your family.” Has divorce taken place? Please rescue me. May Allaah Bless you.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

First of all, we ask Allaah, the Lord of the Throne, the Honorable, to Cure you from all those diseases, to Remove your sins and misdeeds by them, and to Raise you in degrees. May Allaah Reward you for your eagerness to fulfill the rights of your wife, and your fearing of causing harm to her. Let us tell you that if a wife accepts to remain with her husband and gives up all or some of her rights willingly, then there will be no blame on the husband to keep her, and no sin will be on him if he falls short of doing any of them, so long as she approves and tolerates him.

As for the question, the divorce has not taken place by your statement “Divorce is our only solution,” nor by saying that each of you should go his separate way, for both belong to the metaphors of divorce, by which divorce does not take place without intention, and you have doubt about your intention, and the basic rule is that divorce does not take place (on the basis of doubt). The same is also true of your statement “You are divorced,” just with the intention to notify and report to her about the opinion of the Shaykh: the divorce does not take place in this way. Divorce also does not take place by your saying “I will take you to the house of your family,” since it is neither an explicit nor implicit wording of divorce; and even if it is a metaphor, it is a metaphor of a promise to divorce, and divorce does not take place only by a promise. In brief, your wife is still in your guardianship, and not divorced from you. We advise you not to say such words, and seek refuge with Allaah from the whispering of Satan.

Allaah Knows best.