I thank Allah who has created Fatwa center for us Muslims. I have a big problem in my life. I have my own opinion about this matter but I consider you to be knowledgeable enough to give proper advice.I converted a few years ago and am very glad I am a Muslim. Islam has changed me to a much better and wiser person. This is the most incredible thing that has happened in my life.I love Allah more than anything else, there are very few words for expressing what I feel towards Allah.In 1992 I married a young Palestinian doctor. I accepted him as my husband because he was very religious. We lived a happy family life till 1998. In Palestine my husband committed a terrible sin. The man I had given my heart to and who I loved changed and took the Haram path. The man who was supposed to provide a peaceful family life has ignored even providing food, clothes, medication to his wife and his girls. More over he didn't even give us respect! My children were a witness to all this.My girls and I were treated very rudely and it didn't end there. We had to even witness his act of "adultery!"I tried my best to control the conflict in a peaceful way. He and the Palestinian authorities lied to us continuously. In august 1999 after a long discussion my husband, through his lies- which I believed-convinced me that I needed to go back to my country to get a peace of mind there.According to his behavior I got the impression that he was very sorry, if he really did or not Allah knows best. I forgave him, thought we made up and left for my country. My daughters (7, 6, and 4 years of age) were left behind without their will or my consent on the matter.I tried to return to Palestine but the Israeli border police stamped on my passport "entry denied".I don't know what has happened to my girls, and my husband has not written to me for a year now and his behaviour gives me the impression that he is not interested in my life any more. I regret his changed this way and am sorry for him.I have decided to ask for a separation (khul) I want to know if I have the right to take custody of my three children and if I can ask for separation after 1 year and 7 months of absence of my husband!

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

The conjugal life is built on cordiality, friendliness, blessing, living together happily and mutual confidence. So, each one of the spouses should do his/her duties towards his/her partner. If these conditions cannot be met, and if the conjugal life becomes unbearable and impossible to mend, Islam allows a last cure for either spouse who feels humiliated to be rid of this relation through divorce. So, if this relation cannot be continued and if it does not fulfill its initial objectives, it should be ended in the way prescribed by the Sharee’ah.

A wife who feels a weakness or inability to fulfill her husband’s rights and fears that she might commit some sin or cause some harm to her husband – who has bad behavior, who does not abide by his religious duties or who does not fulfill his wife’s duties – then the Sharee’ah, in this case, gives her the right to redeem herself from him with something that pleases him and frees her. Allah Says (what means): {But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself.} [Quran 2:229]

So, we think that the situation you described is a sound reason for you to ask for Khul’.

For more benefit about Khul’, please refer to Fataawa 89039, 297739, 131953, 276691, 205168, and 168545.

Some scholars even believe that if the husband is causing much harm to his wife and if this harm cannot be removed except by divorce, in this case, the husband should divorce her and he does not deserve to be given anything against this divorce. Allah Says (what means): {O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.} [Quran 4:19]

Allah knows best.