I am writing in today because I have just been diagnosed with cancer and I am having a hard time coping. I try to be a good Muslim and as a matter of fact I have recently become stronger in faith than ever before. The problem is that once I received word that I was ill, I started asking "why me" and everyone around me keeps yelling at me saying it is Haraam to say such things and we are to say Al-Hamdu Lillaah, for everything Allaah gives us, good or bad. Truly in a way I feel that to me this illness is a blessing because for the longest time I have been deeply disturbed by my past sins, I have repented however I still feel like my being ill is due to that and that Allaah, The Almighty, has bestowed this upon me so that I may be relieved of some sin in the hereafter...is that Haraam to think like that? So I personally think I deserve it but I am the mother of innocent children, it devastates me to think of them and what they are going to endure and they never did anything to deserve any of this! I know worse has happened to many around us and I should say Al-Hamdu Lillaah, because it could always be worse, but human nature usually keeps you thinking of yourself in times like this. How do you strengthen faith at a time like this, when all the prayer and Du'a you've done have left you right where you started? I don't want to loose it after working so hard to be where I am but sometimes I find myself so angry that I don't know what to do. Please don't think I am an evil person, I love being a Muslim and I take pride in it, I have grown religiously in so many ways, I have learned so many things and try to pass knowledge on to others all time, I just don't understand any of this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated in this matter.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.

Allaah afflicts his servants with different types of trials. Allaah says (which means): {And We test you with evil and with good as trial.}[21:35]. A believer has to believe in predestination in order to be patient about the hardships and calamities that befall him and be pleased with the Decree of Allaah. The disease that affected you is predestined by Allaah and does not mean that Allaah is angry with you. Indeed Allaah afflicted the Prophets, may Allaah exalt their mention, not because of a deficiency in them but in order to show their excellence and increase their degree in Paradise. So in them you have a good example.

A hardship or calamity may sometimes be a gift from Allaah. He may wipe out your sins because of this disease and increase your degree in Paradise. The Prophet said: "A believer, male or female, is continuously afflicted in his wealth and in himself until he meets Allaah without a sin." [At-Tirmithi] So pondering upon this meaning is permissible and not forbidden. We advise you, however, not to ponder on the thoughts and whispers that Satan might bring to make you despair and increase your suffering; it is Allaah who created your children and He is their protector whether you are present or not. Disease does not mean death, and cancer does not mean that it has no cure. There are many diseases that doctors cannot treat, but Allaah cures them. The Prophet said: "There is a cure for every disease. Whenever an illness is treated with its right remedy, it will, by Allaah's permission, be cured." [Muslim] So invoke your Lord sincerely and humbly as He cured Prophet, Ayyoob who had a chronic disease, and seek Ruqyah, and consult specialists (doctors) who are knowledgeable about the Prophetic medicine in treating with the use of honey, black cumin and so forth. We also advise you to mention Allaah and read the Qur'an as much as possible and keep company with pious believing women in order to purify your soul. You have to know that Allaah promised those who fear Him to protect their family as He says (which means): {And let those [executors and guardians] have the same fear in their minds as they would have for their own if they had left weak offspring behind and feared for them. So let them fear Allaah and speak words of appropriate justice.}[4:9].

Allaah knows best.