I did a very bad thing it was so worse I can't believe I did it. I had a relation with a guy for two years and in these two years I had done a very bad thing. I used to talk about sex and then it happened that I nearly had sex but it didn't happen completely. Then I started cyber on webcam and now I have finished things with him. I feel so bad that indulged myself into this disgusting thing and I hate myself I don't know what to do. If I marry the guy whose going to be my husband what will I do? I feel bad and sad and I feel my self esteem going down. I need help.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.

Indeed you did well by stopping this relationship with this man and stopping committing other obnoxious acts. Regretting the acts that you committed is a good thing. This should lead you to sincerely repent to Allaah while being determined not to do that again. So you should be careful of any means that could lead you to do those acts again. You should not tolerate being in seclusion with men, or be in forbidden mixing and so forth. We advise you to keep company with righteous women and be careful of keeping company with dissolute ones.

You have to know that Allaah is Most-Merciful, Most Gracious, and He Forgives all kinds of sins [except Shirk: associating partners to Him]. So you should take it easy and do not submit yourself to the whispers of the devil who could make you despair of Allaah's Mercy. Allaah Says (which means): {Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning] do not despair of the mercy of Allaah. Indeed, Allaah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."}[Quran 39:53]. So you should aspire for good and perform righteous deeds in the future.

As regards marrying, this is something that you should be keen on. It is Islamicly permissible for a woman to look for a husband or to propose herself to men who is looking to marry, provided good morals and Islamic etiquettes are met. If someone proposes to marry you, you are not obliged to inform him about the abominable acts that you did, and it is not permissible for you to inform him as Islam encourages people to conceal their sins. It is confirmed that the Prophet said: "Allaah has forgiven for all my nation except those who openly expose their sins." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] Even if we suppose that the man who proposes to marry you asks you if you had committed some of these sins, then you may use Tawriyah (saying something which has more than one meaning and intending a meaning different from what the listener is likely to understand), like saying "I have not committed any of these sins"; meaning after you have repented.

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 90186, 88652 and 89541.

Allaah Knows best.